Recently some people we know lost their home. They came to stay with us for two months . we have a three bedroom house and two kids. So it was extremely cramped. they have 3 kids plus themselves. Their marriage was in turmoil from all the stress and they were hardly getting along. While they were here I got the notion that the wife was not being faithful to her husband. I decided rather than blowing it wide open with accusations I would stay out of it. I did not tell my Husband what I thought because he is very very close to the husband and I didnt want to be responsible for 1_ putting that on my husbands shoulders and 2- breaking up a family at Christmas time. Now my notion turned out to be true and Im wondering if I did the right thing. The wife walked out on her husband and kids two months after they left our house. He has been ripped apart. the kids too. Did I make the wrong decision not bringing it up?
What do you Think???
- Thread starter haanne
- Start date
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It is a difficult situation you were in. Nobody can tell you that you were right or wrong. Would the guy have listened if you or your husband had told him? In most cases of this type that I have run across most people won't listen to what you say to them - they blame you instead. Don't beat yourself up over it. The wife may have decided to leave long before they had the troubles that led to you putting them up at your place. Maybe she was just waiting to get their own place so you weren't left to look after the kids. Just try to be there for her husband and help as you can. You and your husband sound like wonderful people.
I dont think you made the wrong decision under the circumstances I dont think adding to the stress of the stuation would have helped. It may have made it worse. Nows the time to explain to your huband what you observed compare notes and see if there is any good advise he can give his friend most marriges are two peoples fault even if one is being to accomadating to the others bad behavior whatever the reason he needs to understand his part in the break up as well as her if theres any hope both must face the truth of whatever is going on and be willing to change it.So nows the time to help your husband be a good friend to his friend even if it means telling him wheres he is wrong.thats my thoughts for whatever its worth
The only thing I see you may have been able to do was approach her in love, but even then you could have been blamed for any problems that came from it.
The way I see it you did the right thing. Even though it turned out like you thought. It seems the marriage was already shaky to start with. Money the root of all evil...the stress can be hard and with the slump in the housing market and foreclosures at an all time high I would imagine theres a lot of couples suffering through this right now.
I do not think that you did something wrong...Devil has many ways to hurt people.Your behaviour was right for me..Take care
(kriss;44147)
guess Nyoka and I are thinking on the same lines today
Looks like it kriss.
haanne you have been given some good advice. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You have nothing to blame yourself for.
guess Nyoka and I are thinking on the same lines today
Looks like it kriss.
Jon-Marc
New Member
Would it have made any difference in the end result if you had said something? You said that there was a problem with their marriage before they moved in with you, and the husband knowing about it wouldn't have changed the fact. Once I learned that my wife was cheating on me, I lost all trust of her. Eventually, I would have nothing to do with her since she was getting it elsewhere anyway. Unfortunately, the damage was already done, and I had genital herpes thanks to her many men--including my sister's husband.
Jon-Marc: Your sister's husband?! Man, I am so sorry.To the OP: sometimes you're b/t a rock and a hard place. Sounds like this was one of those cases. There would've been pain no matter what you did. Although losing their home may've been unavoidable, the WIFE put you in that sitch by moving herself, her family (and her problems) into your home. Clearly, she didn't care enough to be discreet about her infidelities (or to be faithful ITFP). If you knew, it's possible the husband also knew. Sometimes you can know but not want to know. KWIM?Spilling the beans (if he truly didn't know) would've brought more turmoil into your home. It's better that the reveal occured elsewhere.
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