Gonna have to pick a bone with you again. My interpretation of Romans 9:13 is that the Lord was using the right terminology because of what He knew Esau would become: A fleshy man, so fleshly in fact that he would sell his birthright for bowl of soup. This is something the Lord "disdains," which as I suggested is a proper translation of μισέω. But to argue that this Greek term meant "to love less" isn't really anywhere supported in Classical or Biblical usage except by supposition. Did he disdain Esau from birth? I think He did, knowing what sort of man he would become.
Unfortunately my friend you are looking at it from the natural man’s perspective and missing the spiritual significance. As we had stated, the apostle here was quoting
Gen 25:23 and
Malachi 1:2, 3 and using them in a metaphoric sense as depicting a type and an antitype.
The thought is that Jacob was favored of the Lord and Esau was favored less; and these two, as the Apostle shows, were types of Israel natural and spiritual. God's favor to natural Israel, represented by Esau, was less than is his favor to spiritual Israel, later born, represented by Jacob. With this thought all is harmony and consistency.
God is not said to have loved Jacob and hated Esau before they were born but after they had existed as peoples many centuries. The Bible shows how Esau’s descendants--Edom--brought the judgment of God upon themselves by their wickedness. God hated their wickedness. He is often described in the Bible as hating iniquity of all kinds. Paul puts the quotations from Genesis and from Malachi together because they both emphasize God’s choice of the younger in place of the elder, the rightful heir.
Your difficulty may be that you are relying too heavily upon definitions as given in lexicons and concordances, forgetting that the true child of God (the spiritually enlightened) has another more reliable source of interpretation, and that is the Word of God itself, “
God is his own interpreter and he will make it plain.” God’s word does not contradict itself but is in full harmony with itself, thus we compare scripture with scripture to find out just exactly what the true intent or interpretation is.
If we read in one place that God hates this person or this people and in another he states that he so loved the world that he sacrificed his only begotten Son there must be something we are missing. And so we find it, God does not hate the individual, what he hates is the sin in the individual; he loves the individual so much so that he willingly sacrificed his beloved Son.
Did God disdain his natural people? Yes he hated “
disdained” their iniquity, their wickedness, but not the people themselves, he is well aware of the fact that the whole world lies in the Wicked One, and so, “As concerning the Gospel they are enemies ... but as touching the election
they are beloved for the fathers’ sake.” (
Rom 11:27, 28)