The "premise" = God's word as it is
well, the Bible is not the Word, i would fix that part first
however, since you do not believe that, i might ask you to pretend that you do, and go say as much to your pastor, with conviction, and see what he does!
but you are heading for a cliff, ok, and i do not want to be responsible if the air is not sufficient to hold you up yet.
Don't find love until you are ready, iow. I am strictly offering you different perspectives here, because i know that God will not punish a seeker for seeking a better understanding of God.
All of your current beliefs are not going anywhere, they will still be there even if you set them down for a minute, as indeed will the other beliefs, should you choose to ignore them for now. You do not have to believe what i believe, as long as we are in agreement.