No. We can have a public discussion.
I've ran into those like you before. You're one of them people that don't want others to really see your weaknesses. I've had "pastors" privately agree with me and then from the "pulpit" preach against what they said they believed to me.....
It is all about "pretense" for you. You can't admit that you've been wrong "publically". If you did, then it would mean that the lie you told others about "God calling you" wouldn't mean anything.
Our conversation my answers are open for all to see.