I get that. “The more real His love is to me the less I care about anything else” part. And that is all tangled up in trust and the will. The more I come to see that a hard or unpleasant thing turns into blessing, the less I complain, because He has grown my trust through it and I more readily accept the next hard or unpleasant thing I find myself in, without all the caterwauling and complaint. You have to trust someone before you can cast your cares on them.
I don’t understand a determined choice to love others so much though. I could always determine to try but it quickly ended in murder most times (which I of course promptly blamed on them.) And even with beginning to will whatever God brought to me each day, it had self interest in it. I had seen how He always eventually brought it to my own good, so it became easier to accept because of that. So...yeah, you can see I lack love, a selfless love.
It's like Romans 5, we rejoice in tribulation because it produces endurance, which gives us the experience of things working for good, an we trust Him more.
He's been proving His love for me, to me, in my afflictions. It's hard to talk about and feel like I'm making sense, but I get the idea you know.
Loving others, in me it begins with the knowing I'm no good at it, but God wants it, so I ask Him to do it in me/through me, and just try to do whatever seems good.
The more I do that, the more natural it seems to become.
I keep returning in my mind to doing dishes one night. I've always wanted to just pile them all in the dishwasher, my wife always wants me to rinse each one.
I remember standing there, my neck was hurting as I looked down into the sink, and I prayed that God would enable me to do this simple chore by His Spirit. Forget about the neck! I kind of just watched as one hand turned on the water and picked up a plate. I had already picked up the dish brush, and I began doing dishes in the power of the Spirit, which turned out to be "the way my wife wanted".
I've been coming to realize how deeply my thoughts and reactions are rooted in flesh and not spirit, and how different spirit is. I've come to question most anything I do, looking to God to train me in the new way.
I think loving others has been built into us in our recreation, and that as we grow in trust, we also will grow in love, but not always on the same schedule.
Much love!
