I am not a Calvinist. I am barely an Arminian. But Calvinism is internally logical and makes as much sense in its own way as Arminianism. If all of humanity is totally depraved and deserving of damnation, then God does indeed glorify himself by graciously saving anyone. The fact that the vast majority of humans are predestined for damnation may be "unappealing" to you or me, but it is not "terrible" within the framework of Calvinism. It's terrible only within the framework of those who think humans have some sort of inherent worth and should all be equally precious to God and have an equal opportunity for salvation. Why would you think all the faithful family members you describe were going to end up in hell under Calviniism - what reason is there to think the genuinely faithful are not among the predestined elect? To me, Arminianism and any other species of Christianity you care to hypothesize has just as much of a problem with a world in which the VAST majority of humans have no realistic opportunity or possibility of ever turning to Christ - so how is that "better"? The fact is, there is no Christian theology that really works in the sense of connecting all the dots and reconciling the world in which we live with an omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent God. I would just let the Calvinists go their way and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
All mankind is destined to be lost. That is the result of the fall and making all of Adams offspring children of wrath by nature.
12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
13 (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.
14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.
15 But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.
Mankind is naturally lost!
And GOD made it clear- believe on the Lord Jesus and you will believe!
If you don't believe you are lost?
If you are concerned about those who have never heard- what have you personally done to get the gospel to those who do not naturally hear. I travelled to communist china to witness to chinese who never heard. What about you?