Are Christians to forgive everyone or only those who repent?

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Waiting on him

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That's what codependent is?? To need others to be and feel inadequate so they can feel good? That describes her...

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Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.
 

Hidden In Him

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I'm not sure there's any codependent issue here...I think she's just real mean to me and I want her to stop...

But I'm not sure trying to run away from her is right. I think to love her is right. To forgive her is right. I actually think...I've been snookered (once again!) into thinking temptation is sinning...I'm pretty stupid when it comes to retention.

Well, all I can tell you is that I used to take this same stand, thinking I just wasn't being strong enough, and that I could withstand the temptation being around people I lived with...

But what I found was that I never did get strong enough. The only way I found real deliverance was to distance myself from people somewhat, get closer to God, and then limit how much time I spent with others who hurt me so that I didn't get so upset, and I didn't retaliate against them the way I used to do.

If this was the context in which you were saying, "I have to admit I can't do it," then I actually agree with you there. In that context, that's the same conclusion I came to, and no amount of trying to "abide in Christ" fixed it. Putting some distance between us so I could spend more time with Christ did.

Not saying abandon someone you love. Saying do what would be best for the relationship... and your sanity.
 
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Waiting on him

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Description
Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.
This is a very common thing in relationships, unhealthy that is. There are some good books out there. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I have a father that is a big time codependent. He still to this day comes by from time to time and try’s to work his way back in, i now say I appreciate your concern but no thanks.
 

Waiting on him

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Well, all I can tell you is that I used to take this same stand, thinking I just wasn't being strong enough, and that I could withstand the temptation being around people I lived with...

But what I found was that I never did get strong enough. The only way I found real deliverance was to distance myself from people somewhat, get closer to God, and then limit how much time I spent with others who hurt me so that I didn't get so upset, and I didn't retaliate against them the way I used to do.

If this was the context in which you were saying, "I have to admit I can't do it," then I actually agree with you there. In that context, that's the same conclusion I came to, and no amount of trying to "abide in Christ" fixed it. Putting some distance between us so I could spend more time with Christ did.

Not saying abandon someone you love. Saying do what would be best for the relationship... and your sanity.
Codependents typically unconsciously tear down their victims self esteem in order to keep them dependent on them, this should be viewed with empathy, because it’s taught, but no problem can be confronted unless it’s acknowledged first.
 

Hidden In Him

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Codependents typically unconsciously tear down their victims self esteem in order to keep them dependent on them, this should be viewed with empathy, because it’s taught, but no problem can be confronted unless it’s acknowledged first.

Only SBG would know for sure to what degree the relationship is codependent. But whatever it is, it sounds pretty toxic, especially for her.
 
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Waiting on him

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Only SBG would know for sure to what degree the relationship is codependent. But whatever it is, it sounds pretty toxic, especially for her.
Agreed I can’t know, but it sounds familiar.
If it is the case I’m by no means saying not to forgive, actually the codependent knows not what they do.
 

stunnedbygrace

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Description
Codependency is a behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

This is all quite strange! As a kid, I could never do anything perfectly enough. As an adult, I knew this and so I never tried to do much. Kind of like...low self esteem, a feeling of...I'll never be able to do anything good enough so I won't even try.

Now, I catch myself not trying sometimes because its too much bother to go to war with her.

It's almost like...she wants me to be immobile. That way she doesn't feel...threatened at being upstaged. So she creates a terrible mess and I either keep trying to clean up her mess or I give up, depending on how I currently feel...

Really freaky. I guess we have as many varied defensive parries as we have people...
 

Waiting on him

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This is all quite strange! As a kid, I could never do anything perfectly enough. As an adult, I knew this and so I never tried to do much. Kind of like...low self esteem, a feeling of...I'll never be able to do anything good enough so I won't even try.

Now, I catch myself not trying sometimes because its too much bother to go to war with her.

It's almost like...she wants me to be immobile. That way she doesn't feel...threatened at being upstaged. So she creates a terrible mess and I either keep trying to clean up her mess or I give up, depending on how I currently feel...

Really freaky. I guess we have as many varied defensive parries as we have people...
I bet if you were to look in to the persons past you would see someone demeaning her and tearing her down, introspection should bring empathy followed with forgiveness.
 

Waiting on him

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This is all quite strange! As a kid, I could never do anything perfectly enough. As an adult, I knew this and so I never tried to do much. Kind of like...low self esteem, a feeling of...I'll never be able to do anything good enough so I won't even try.

Now, I catch myself not trying sometimes because its too much bother to go to war with her.

It's almost like...she wants me to be immobile. That way she doesn't feel...threatened at being upstaged. So she creates a terrible mess and I either keep trying to clean up her mess or I give up, depending on how I currently feel...

Really freaky. I guess we have as many varied defensive parries as we have people...
Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV
[19] I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:


Tecarta Bible
 

Hidden In Him

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I bet if you were to look in to the persons past you would see someone demeaning her and tearing her down, introspection should bring empathy followed with forgiveness.

This is what I was hinting might happen when SBG spent time in prayer. The Lord has always done this with me when I had a problem with someone. He would also start showing me where I have done similar things, and all of a sudden the other person's sins seemed a little more forgivable, LoL.

It doesn't negate the need to still distance oneself, but it really has a way of softening one's heart, which is the healing I was really needing.
 
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Giuliano

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It would be nice if I could wave a magic wand and forgive people if they don't repent, but my saying I forgive them doesn't change them. They need to repent. If God doesn't forgive people unless they repent, why would I think I could? I can't force them to be forgiven.

What I can do is wish they could be forgiven. I don't have to bear grudges or want revenge. I've found that probably helps me more than them since I'm not tangled up in negative emotions.
 
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stunnedbygrace

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This is what I was hinting might happen when SBG spent time in prayer. The Lord has always done this with me when I had a problem with someone. He would also start showing me where I have done similar things, and all of a sudden the other person's sins seemed a little more forgivable, LoL.

It doesn't negate the need to still distance oneself, but it really has a way of softening one's heart, which is the healing I was really needing.

Yes, this has happened to me before too, where He shows me I'm just like someone else and it makes me begin to care about them instead of railing against them.
 
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stunnedbygrace

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It would be nice if I could wave a magic wand and forgive people if they don't repent, but my saying I forgive them doesn't change them. They need to repent. If God doesn't forgive people unless they repent, why would I think I could? I can't force them to be forgiven.

What I can do is wish they could be forgiven. I don't have to bear grudges or want revenge. I've found that probably helps me more than them since I'm not tangled up in negative emotions.

So you also think you can't forgive someone for a wrong done to you unless they ask you to forgive them?
 

stunnedbygrace

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I bet if you were to look in to the persons past you would see someone demeaning her and tearing her down, introspection should bring empathy followed with forgiveness.

She is absolutely doing to me what her own mother did to her. I know this for a fact.

But do you want to word your earlier statement differently now? Because that would be forgiving her even though she didn't ask me to forgive her.
 

Hidden In Him

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She is absolutely doing to me what her own mother did to her. I know this for a fact.

But do you want to word your earlier statement differently now? Because that would be forgiving her even though she didn't ask me to forgive her.

Stunned By Grace, when I first responded to this thread, it was simply to clarify that the act of giving and receiving forgiveness is a two-way street. and different than simply letting go of something on our end. But where you yourself are concerned, yes. You need to let go, or if you must, you need to "forgive" even if she does not ask for it.

I'm saying that at the risk of completely screwing up a clearer understanding of the term, LoL, but if it helps then yes. You need to forgive her.
 

Giuliano

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So you also think you can't forgive someone for a wrong done to you unless they ask you to forgive them?
Can I force them to be forgiven? All I can do is be willing to forgive them -- hope they regret it someday and ask God to forgive them if they can't find me to sort things out -- so I can also ask God to forgive them if and when they repent.
 
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Waiting on him

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She is absolutely doing to me what her own mother did to her. I know this for a fact.

But do you want to word your earlier statement differently now? Because that would be forgiving her even though she didn't ask me to forgive her.
I’m not sure which statement is in question?