BREECH BIRTH
They took me off breast milk, stuck a Pepsi in my yapper', and sat me down in front of a television set. All things considered this empty vessel was fortunate when taken into account Mom was selfish and immature, and Dad, although always employed, had no well defined concepts of the virtues.
All four of us kids were taught the Lords prayer and I do remember getting dropped off at a church
a few times. Faith however was not a significant element in our lives. No one in the family had ever been educated. There was a lot of bickering, unfulfilled dreams, disappointment, and addiction issues. Through it all we remained in good physical health and never wanted for food. I said "I love you too" because it was compulsory for hiding. There was no foundation for examination of what might be
inside; no clue of understanding the curse of carrying on the tradition.
I learned through negative reinforcement. Any youthful enthusiasm, the ability to think clearly, or
the nurturing of talents that survived were squashed nearly flat courtesy of public school. The approximately fifteen thousand hours of Prussian Education System training brought with it a primary focus on ignorance, subservience, and fear. An early memory of first grade was the feeling when exposed to the concept of 'salt' being one hundred percent diametrically opposed to 'pepper', and a
'dog' was the exact opposite of a 'cat'. I knew these objects to be different and supposed in some ways related. But framed in the context of black vs. white? At the age of five or six I knew it was a lie. Some years later I hated the way looked, I hated my body, and was frustrated by the manner in which I was treated by teachers and most peers. It is a clever bit of irony I was the funniest kid in class.
The understanding was, a lot of things were wrong albeit at a total loss as to what precisely those
things were. It remained so way past the breaking point where many have succumbed. My first love
was marijuana. It is a miracle making it back to a classmates home after the senior kegger' with a car load of kids absolutely vacuumed on LSD. Thank some Devil's henchman or guardian angel for keeping
me around long enough to try anything that would get a body high. Ugh, and all the tertiary business associated with it. I don't know. Alcohol, pills, and heavy narcotics seemed such a frightful commitment. Forty seven years of pretty much continual marijuana use is not a good argument with regard to lack of commitment.
Even so, there was trapped somewhere an innate sense of there being more to life than met the eye. Never for a moment did I ever believe this life to be a free-for-all yet was ill-prepared to engage in, let alone approach any semblance relating to a free and effective life. I cannot help but think how things would have been different with proper mentoring.
There were methods found to stumble through life in a stupor. With advanced skill managing a full
tour and honorable discharge from the Navy, twenty years co-habitating with the same woman (I love
you too, honey), and many many experiences and episodes seamlessly attached by one reoccurring theme. Self service. Hundreds and thousands of days and nights were celebrated doing what I came
to believe was life's ultimate luxury. i.e. Wasting time; accomplishing absolutely nothing. There is a lot
of regret and remorse attached to that. Although there were at times the appearances and trappings of being a stand up citizen, I was steeped in false fronts, confusion, and groping in the dark for attention.
I was penning a doctoral thesis in the fine art of going along to get along - with a bachelors in self destructive behavior...
Fast forward to a time when some war-maps are marked by grey hair, lines about the face, and teeth falling out from the head. While other maps are bleached barren with ghosts of people that had come and gone; evaporated.
Shortly after the advent of the second millennium a shocking event segued to a study of deep politics, secret societies, aerial phenomenon, and the paranormal. A non-local universe? "Dude, it's rigged game. Bong hits." Once one comes to better understand the farce of the two party system, that unknown personalities pull the strings of policy behind the scenes, malevolent beings of other realms exist, and magic really works, it can become overwhelming. Study becomes a matter of filtering out deceptions and misinformation continually looking for better resources. One of the craftiest
conspiracies of all times is the little red light in the back of the uninitiated mind that says, 'nut-job', when the phrase conspiracy theory is uttered. The search was on for conspiracy annalists. Extraordinary claims demand the educated presentation of extraordinary evidence. The evidence is there if one
takes the time to look. As it turns out, the Devil must announce.
I got a paranoid and healthy impression lot of the seemingly unrelated subject matter meshed. There were too many intermingled relationships to wave off out of hand. Perhaps in a diligent quest for truth - snapshots of powerful men, occult, edge science, and woo-woo could be assembled to form a larger picture.
One day a month or so ago during a brush with Biblical prophesy, there came a realization that - much
as I wriggled, twitched, and resisted, "just could not ignore". And it smacked down like a ton of bricks. (the last seventy two stones of the pyramid?)
The big picture is actually a sign. A warning sign. The direction it indicates leads straight to the raging battle of good verses evil. BAM!
That all self serving human endeavor was folly being traceable, up to and touching, Satan. While self denial analogous to faith in God is salvation. Man, I was not too convinced I wanted to know that. But I could feel a shepherds hook gently placed about the leg guiding the physical body slightly forward and down. A day or two later I was on my knees.
Truth will out, it felt a bit silly, did not admit to being Christian, and hoped no one would catch me in the act. 'Prayed for help anyway. Surrender.
For this man of the world, there were no lightning bolts, no hallelujahs, no tears of joy, no outstretched arms, nor wide-eyed testimony to the neighborhood. There slowly came a sense of relief, relaxation,
and peace. Feelings of courage and acceptance to exist within the skin. As a newbe X man of the
world, there is now a welcoming of examination and the refurbishment of flaws about the character. lol, damage control through Jesus.
So - Here we are. I think the most difficult thing the average livin' secular human can accept is surrender. The laying down of the arrogance, the conceit, and all the dung associated with personal
will. At this point, the sprout of Christian reality, it ain't easy. There very well be little time for old bud break to leaf out and bear fruit. It is not for me to know. At this juncture I can only pray thanks, forgiveness, and guidance. More will be revealed.
Further: There exists the possibility a lot of us will live to see an intrusion. The execution of mans law
on a global scale; the rise of 'the' false profit antichrist and his master. It will require, according to the information I have received thus far, immaculate and enduring faith to the end for any chance to resist bowing down to their stunning power. Simon Peter totally jelled when it got down to the nitty gritty. Ready for that?
That this soul may be chosen follow Jesus is all I wish to beg; the opportunity practice righteous cleansing. To be allowed to serve.
Thank God, and thank you all for being here,
bb
