Balaam's Donkey

[FHII]

As a primer to this post, its nothing I haven't come up with my own. My Pastor told it to me... And I am sure he is not the only one to tell it this way. Its going to have to allow for the Biblical term "ass". Cause without it the humor and message will be lost.

Its a pretty funny look at this account and I do think God has a sense of humor. Without question, the case of Balaam and his ass (donkey) is hilarious but has a serious message. Totally out of context, too. But funny nontheless and with a purposeful message. If you've heard a rendition of it before, perhaps just relax and enjoy revisiting it. Our backdrop will be Numbers 22.

 

[FHII]

I am going to go through some verses one at a time. But let me set the stage:

Israel settled in the plains of Moab. Moab was upset cause there were so many of them. Now Moab was the son of Lot by insest. Its important cause Lot new God... Moab was not a "god guy" but he knew about the God of Israel, and feared him enough to form a plan. He asked the leading prophet (Balaam) to curse Israel.

That's interesting because Balaam isn't a "good guy" in the Bible either. But at the time he was God's chosen.

There ia enough there to contemplate, but we will move on. Moab asked Balaam to curse the people and offered a lofty sum. Balaam said, I donno... Gotta talk to God about that! Check back with me!"

Well, God said, "Don't do it!" the reward increased and Balaam kept asking... Finally God said, "yea.. Go ahead!"

So let's analyze the situation. If God tells you "no" he means it. If you keep asking he may seemingly change his mind. But its not good! God told Balaam not to do it, but then said to do it. Again, much to contemplate here... But lets move on.

 

[FHII]

In numbers 22:21. Balaam woke up early and saddled his ass. He was setting up his ass to go against God based on something God said bot to do. Not good.

In verse 22 God's anger was kindled and he sent an angel to block him. Balaam had two servants (witnesses) with him... But the angel (messanger or servant of God) didn't care. Balaam had two witnesses and technically, God said go...

Verse 23 says that Balaam's ass saw the angel with a sword (Word of Truth) drawn and tried to take Balaam in another direction.

Here comes the comedy: when your own ass tells you to go another way, maybe you ought to listen!

But what did Balaam do? He smote (kicked) his own ass to do his own will even though his own ass knew it was wrong and was trying to save him.

Folks, don't kick your own ass when your ass knows better! [Note to censors: yea... Its rough! But its making apoint!]

Verse 25 says that as a result of Balaam kicking his own ass, his ass crushed his foot (Balaam walk with God is hindered). Your ass can hinder tour walk with God!

Balaam stood fast and continued. But his ass fell down.

When your own ass gives up... Why continue with your own will?

So Balaam started beating his own ass with a stick (we are in verse 27).

Madness! Your own ass has turned against you, crushed your walk with God and gave up on you... Yet you are so hard headed that you have kicked your own ass and whipped yoyr own ass.

Folks, when God telks you to do something... Don't kick your ass trying to get out of it.

But it gets worse...

 

[FHII]

At this point Balaam has kicked his own ass and whipped his own ass all under the guise that God is with him even though he isn't . God said, "don't" and Balaam pestered God.

Balaam had to kick his own ass, had his walk with God crushed, his own ass gave up on him and Balaam was finally whipping his own ass cause he wouldn't do what God said! Isn't that enough?

Well, in verse 28 Balaam's ass starts talking to him. I mean, when your own ass starts rebuking you there is a problem... But no! He didn't listen!

Balaam's own ass said what have I done to you? Why have you kicked your ass these three times?

Man... Kicking your own ass is tough? When are you going to realize you are wrong when you kick and beat your own ass?

But here is the kicker: now your own ass is talking to you! when your own ass starts questioning your actions... Damn!

But that's how hard headed we can be... This is funny... And I am taking liberties, but remember that there is a spiritual message here.

It gets worse....

 

[FHII]

Let's not leave the original. Balaam's donkey... His beast of burden just did something. He spoke in a language that Balaam understood. The donkey talked!

My kitties talk to me and I understand. But they meow, cuddle, hiss... They speak cat to me and I decipher what they want. I speak english, and if one of my cats started speaking english...

"Look kind sir, I love you but can we get some food!"... I would be floored! I might commit myself to an asylum! What did Balaam do?

He starts arguing with his own ass! Yea... This is all a metaohor (what I am getting at)... But Balaam's donkey is talking! He us so upset that he doesn't see rhe great miracle of a talking donkey, but instead argues with it!

LOL! The donkey is talking which doesn't normally happen amd Balaam was so pissed off that he didn't see tje abnoemallity!

So... When your own ass tries to guide you in another direction, crushes your walk with God, gives up on you, then rebukes or reasons with you ... And you react by kicking and whipping your own aass, and arguing with your own ass...

...when are you going to wake up and realize that the situation is pretty messed up?

Brethren: quit kicking your own ass and arguing with it. Do what God says the first time!

There is much more written about Balaam that we all can learn from .... But I hope that we can find the humor in this, and more importantly.... The lesson.

 

[Nancy]

Lol...this is great, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread

 

[FHII]

Lol...this is great, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread

Thanks Nancy! I hope that folks don't pick it apart for accuracy.... Its just meant to be funny and reflectful.

 

[brakelite]

For a more serious look at Balaam and how that story has a modern application, see Balaam

 

[101G]

Addressing the OP only,
"For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope". Romans 15:4 (kjv).

Good posting......

PICJAJ.

 

[stunnedbygrace]

Funny...