Do Christians have to forgive everything no matter how bad the sins?

[Coti]

Hello
I have a question: Do Christians have to forgive everything no matter how bad the sins?

I know the Bible says he have to forgive, and I understand that’s the best thing to do, but I wonder if everything is forgivable or there are some sins that are non-forgivable?

I got divorced because he was physically and emotionally violent, also he had a very strong drug addiction at the time, he committed adultery several times and frequented pornographic chats with strangers. He even wanted me to have an abortion of the same child we are now in trial for. 7 years ago I regain strength in God and was able to leave that relationship.

Last night he sent me several emails which I have not replied yet. In one he said “you are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”. My ex does not believe in God, but knows I am faithful to HIM and he has tried to manipulate me with comments like that.

I moved on, I really don’t think about what he did in the past because I’m happy and in peace.
I think is possible to forgive (or ignore something in your heart/mind), but I think is not possible to trust after years of abusive behavior, and stand there as a door mat for someone to put me down anytime he wants when things don’t go his way.

My son lives with me and sees his father every other weekend. And now the father wants us to be friends for the sake of our son, which I think will never be possible. I don’t talk bad things to my son about his father or argue in front of him, so I don’t understand his goal.

So I keep thinking: is everything forgivable or there are some sins that become unforgivable?

Thank you.
Coti

 

[Wormwood]

Coti,

Thanks for your inquiry. Here are my thoughts. Yes, Christians must forgive every sin. God calls us to forgive in the same ways we desire forgiveness. Jesus taught us to pray, "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us." So, if you want God to forgive every sin of yours, then you should do the same to others. God will use the standards you use on you. Food for thought...

However....

A person can forgive and still have boundaries. You can pray that God would soften your heart toward your ex and the ways he treated you and that you would not hold ill feelings toward him and desire God to be gracious to him. Yet, that does not mean that you have to allow him to manipulate or abuse you again. I can forgive a thief for stealing my car, but that doesnt mean I give him the keys to my next car. In sum, I hope you could find a way to be pleasant to this man again. Perhaps through your kindness he might learn the love and grace of Christ. Yet, that does not mean you have to put yourself in a position where he can abuse your physically or emotionally or open yourself up to future harm. I think it is a good and wise thing to establish safe boundaries, all the while praying that God would help you to truly forgive and desire this man to be blessed by God and find grace in Jesus Christ.

 

[Dan57]

No, your not obligated to forgive everyone for everything they do. When your ex says; "“your are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”, its like the devil telling Christ; "If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down". Its a temptation or manipulation that nonbelievers often throw in the face of Christians. Trust is earned, its not automatic, and your ex-husband hasn't earned it. Forgiving others is a virtue, but your not expected to "throw your pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6). We are instructed to forgive others, even as our Father forgives us, but when does God forgive us? When we repent and ask for forgiveness. Forgiving others is not warranted when they don't regret the harm they've caused. In fact, forgiving someone who is not truly sorry makes us a willing victim.. Its a misnomer to think God expects us to forgive a person who has relentlessly abused us, God never painted targets on our backs or wrote 'victim' across our foreheads. Simply stated; "If your brother trespass against you, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him" (Luke 17:3).. jmo

 

[mjrhealth]

YES absolutely,

Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Mat 6:7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
Mat 6:8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
Mat 6:9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Mat 6:10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Mat 6:11 Give us this day our daily bread.
Mat 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
Mat 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

It can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but if we are to be like Christ than it must be done. You ask Jesus for the strength and He will provide. Gets easier with practice but wont stop you getting a little mad for a while.

 

[lforrest]

Forgiveness is essential, but I'm not convinced that we should forget. We can't forget the knowledge we gained about someone's character, and their weaknesses. If you know what is a temptation for others you shouldn't willingly put them in a position you know may tempt them.

What we need to do is get rid of the bitterness, and try to heal personal bonds that were damaged by the offence. Don't throw particular sins in someone's face once forgiven.

Trust is earned, as Dan stated above. It is hard to restore trust once broken, and impossible without forgiveness.

 

[OzSpen]

Hello
I have a question: Do Christians have to forgive everything no matter how bad the sins?

I know the Bible says he have to forgive, and I understand that’s the best thing to do, but I wonder if everything is forgivable or there are some sins that are non-forgivable?

I got divorced because he was physically and emotionally violent, also he had a very strong drug addiction at the time, he committed adultery several times and frequented pornographic chats with strangers. He even wanted me to have an abortion of the same child we are now in trial for. 7 years ago I regain strength in God and was able to leave that relationship.

Last night he sent me several emails which I have not replied yet. In one he said “you are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”. My ex does not believe in God, but knows I am faithful to HIM and he has tried to manipulate me with comments like that.

I moved on, I really don’t think about what he did in the past because I’m happy and in peace.
I think is possible to forgive (or ignore something in your heart/mind), but I think is not possible to trust after years of abusive behavior, and stand there as a door mat for someone to put me down anytime he wants when things don’t go his way.

My son lives with me and sees his father every other weekend. And now the father wants us to be friends for the sake of our son, which I think will never be possible. I don’t talk bad things to my son about his father or argue in front of him, so I don’t understand his goal.

So I keep thinking: is everything forgivable or there are some sins that become unforgivable?

Thank you.
Coti

Coti,

I speak as a marriage and family counsellor of 34 years. You have biblical reasons for divorce because you stated he committed adultery (see Matt 19:3-12 ESV).

For practical and mental health reasons you need to protect yourself from his physical, verbal and emotional abuse of you. This is what domestic violence entails in a marriage. No wives or ex-wives should have to tolerate any type of abuse from husbands. Abuse of any kind damages marriage with severe ramifications.

Yes, you do need to forgive him if he seeks your forgiveness (see Col 3:13). However, forgiveness does not mean you expose yourself again to his abuse: 'you are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me'. This kind of language demonstrates his emotional abuse is continuing towards you. For your own sake, protect yourself from this.

I'd recommend seeing a counsellor who can assist you with dealing with the abuse.

Blessings,
Oz

 

[ScaliaFan]

Hello
I have a question: Do Christians have to forgive everything no matter how bad the sins?

I know the Bible says he have to forgive, and I understand that’s the best thing to do, but I wonder if everything is forgivable or there are some sins that are non-forgivable?

I got divorced because he was physically and emotionally violent, also he had a very strong drug addiction at the time, he committed adultery several times and frequented pornographic chats with strangers. He even wanted me to have an abortion of the same child we are now in trial for. 7 years ago I regain strength in God and was able to leave that relationship.

Last night he sent me several emails which I have not replied yet. In one he said “you are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”. My ex does not believe in God, but knows I am faithful to HIM and he has tried to manipulate me with comments like that.

I moved on, I really don’t think about what he did in the past because I’m happy and in peace.
I think is possible to forgive (or ignore something in your heart/mind), but I think is not possible to trust after years of abusive behavior, and stand there as a door mat for someone to put me down anytime he wants when things don’t go his way.

My son lives with me and sees his father every other weekend. And now the father wants us to be friends for the sake of our son, which I think will never be possible. I don’t talk bad things to my son about his father or argue in front of him, so I don’t understand his goal.

So I keep thinking: is everything forgivable or there are some sins that become unforgivable?

Thank you.
Coti

I feel for you. i have some unchristian people in my life.. as everyone does, people who use your faith against you, use it to try to manipulate you... play head games.. etc..

forgiveness is for our own sake, not the forgiven one... It is meant to wash hatred and thoughts of revenge out of our soul...

praying for someone who is not Christian is good, even though sometimes if you have been close to the person prayed for... you can start to become attached emotionally again... so dangerous

 

[mjrhealth]

One reason to forgive is it takes away teh condemnation and bitterness that one holds onto when one doesnt forgive. Its always a good thing to do.

 

[Dcopymope]

No, your not obligated to forgive everyone for everything they do. When your ex says; "“your are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”, its like the devil telling Christ; "If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down". Its a temptation or manipulation that nonbelievers often throw in the face of Christians. Trust is earned, its not automatic, and your ex-husband hasn't earned it. Forgiving others is a virtue, but your not expected to "throw your pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6). We are instructed to forgive others, even as our Father forgives us, but when does God forgive us? When we repent and ask for forgiveness. Forgiving others is not warranted when they don't regret the harm they've caused. In fact, forgiving someone who is not truly sorry makes us a willing victim.. Its a misnomer to think God expects us to forgive a person who has relentlessly abused us, God never painted targets on our backs or wrote 'victim' across our foreheads. Simply stated; "If your brother trespass against you, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him" (Luke 17:3).. jmo

Is it wrong to have someone put to death by firing squad even if he repents of the vicious crimes he brought upon you, for the sake of justice?

 

[Dan57]

Is it wrong to have someone put to death by firing squad even if he repents of the vicious crimes he brought upon you, for the sake of justice?

Imo, no its not wrong... If you steal a car, you go to jail, it doesn't matter if the owner of the car forgives you. Forgiveness doesn't absolve you of a crime. Society has penalties for certain offenses that must be upheld in order to maintain law & order, otherwise we have chaos.

 

[lforrest]

IMO it is wrong to refuse someone the power of forgiveness. Such as when someone commits a crime and a third party decides to go easy on them. Leniency should be a right of the victim.

 

[Wormwood]

I think civil law and personal forgiveness are two very different matters. I dont think we should expect the State to forgive a serial killer and let him free just because the victims were Christians and their families forgive him. The commands for us to forgive given by Jesus were referring to personal forgiveness and not exacting personal vengeance. They have nothing to do with issues related to capital punishment or governmental penal systems. I expect a police office to uphold the law of the land and not, because he is a Christian, let every thief and violent person off the hook because he is a Christian fellow who is prone to mercy.

 

[lforrest]

Some portion of justice is eye for an eye, another part is for social order. The victims of a crime should be able to nullify the eye for an eye part if they are able and choose to do so.

 

[Dcopymope]

Imo, no its not wrong... If you steal a car, you go to jail, it doesn't matter if the owner of the car forgives you. Forgiveness doesn't absolve you of a crime. Society has penalties for certain offenses that must be upheld in order to maintain law & order, otherwise we have chaos.

I don't think the penalties for crime is severe enough. To me, if you commit a real crime, if you steal, murder, and destroy someones livelihood in some way, then prison time, or some financial penalty isn't good enough. If the wages of sin is death, then death is what those who commit real crime should get and nothing less, and by 'crime', I'm not talking not paying child support, we're talking about real crime. The means by which he should be put to death should be entirely up to the victim. I personally prefer death by feeding the bastard into a meat grinder, feet first, slowly.

I think civil law and personal forgiveness are two very different matters. I dont think we should expect the State to forgive a serial killer and let him free just because the victims were Christians and their families forgive him. The commands for us to forgive given by Jesus were referring to personal forgiveness and not exacting personal vengeance. They have nothing to do with issues related to capital punishment or governmental penal systems. I expect a police office to uphold the law of the land and not, because he is a Christian, let every thief and violent person off the hook because he is a Christian fellow who is prone to mercy.

I wholeheartedly agree. Forgiveness is apart of your very salvation. If you don't forgive others of their transgressions, then neither will the Father in heaven forgive yours. However, this has nothing to do with social justice and upholding the law of the land. Like I've said before, I may forgive you for stealing my car, but I'll still have you fed through a meat grinder for the sake of justice.

 

[Phoneman777]

Hello
I have a question: Do Christians have to forgive everything no matter how bad the sins?

I know the Bible says he have to forgive, and I understand that’s the best thing to do, but I wonder if everything is forgivable or there are some sins that are non-forgivable?

I got divorced because he was physically and emotionally violent, also he had a very strong drug addiction at the time, he committed adultery several times and frequented pornographic chats with strangers. He even wanted me to have an abortion of the same child we are now in trial for. 7 years ago I regain strength in God and was able to leave that relationship.

Last night he sent me several emails which I have not replied yet. In one he said “you are not a real Christian girl because you haven’t forgiven me and you don’t trust me”. My ex does not believe in God, but knows I am faithful to HIM and he has tried to manipulate me with comments like that.

I moved on, I really don’t think about what he did in the past because I’m happy and in peace.
I think is possible to forgive (or ignore something in your heart/mind), but I think is not possible to trust after years of abusive behavior, and stand there as a door mat for someone to put me down anytime he wants when things don’t go his way.

My son lives with me and sees his father every other weekend. And now the father wants us to be friends for the sake of our son, which I think will never be possible. I don’t talk bad things to my son about his father or argue in front of him, so I don’t understand his goal.

So I keep thinking: is everything forgivable or there are some sins that become unforgivable?

Thank you.
Coti

"Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us." What we actually are saying when we pray that is, "God, don't forgive me unless I first forgive others." Remember the parable of the Unmerciful Servant? Forgiveness is not native to us - we are bankrupt of every good thing. But, Jesus in us provides everything we need, including the power to forgive. Blessings

 

[Dan57]

IMO it is wrong to refuse someone the power of forgiveness. Such as when someone commits a crime and a third party decides to go easy on them. Leniency should be a right of the victim.

I disagree, there must be a separation between personal forgiveness and punishment. When the malefactor crucified with Jesus said; "We receive the due reward of our deeds" (Luke 23:41), Jesus didn't argue with him and say "No you don't". I remember seeing Christians standing outside a prison with candles protesting a serial killers execution and holding signs saying "love your enemies, don't kill them".. The problem with leniency being up to the victim is that you or I could be the killers next victim. So someones willingness to forgive a rapist could make your wife or daughter his next victim. While I agree that a truly repentant person should be forgiven, there's no justice to a victim to absolve the offender of the offense. There's repercussions to bad deeds whether the victim forgives or not... jmo

 

[Dan57]

I don't think the penalties for crime is severe enough. To me, if you commit a real crime, if you steal, murder, and destroy someones livelihood in some way, then prison time, or some financial penalty isn't good enough. If the wages of sin is death, then death is what those who commit real crime should get and nothing less, and by 'crime', I'm not talking not paying child support, we're talking about real crime. The means by which he should be put to death should be entirely up to the victim. I personally prefer death by feeding the bastard into a meat grinder, feet first, slowly.

I like the way you think .. But keep in mind, if the wages of sin is death, we're all goners.. But I agree with the basic eye for an eye punishment.

 

[Dcopymope]

I like the way you think .. But keep in mind, if the wages of sin is death, we're all goners.. But I agree with the basic eye for an eye punishment.

Well, but the wages of sin indeed is death, unless you believe Jesus is your Lord and savior.

 

[lforrest]

I disagree, there must be a separation between personal forgiveness and punishment. When the malefactor crucified with Jesus said; "We receive the due reward of our deeds" (Luke 23:41), Jesus didn't argue with him and say "No you don't". I remember seeing Christians standing outside a prison with candles protesting a serial killers execution and holding signs saying "love your enemies, don't kill them".. The problem with leniency being up to the victim is that you or I could be the killers next victim. So someones willingness to forgive a rapist could make your wife or daughter his next victim. While I agree that a truly repentant person should be forgiven, there's no justice to a victim to absolve the offender of the offense. There's repercussions to bad deeds whether the victim forgives or not... jmo

Of course, though I'm suggesting that justice is some part social order and another part revenge for the victims. The exact portion of each for a given crime may vary. For the law to be fair leniency should be limited to the revenge part, as vengeance is for the offended party.

 

[Guestman]

Our Maker, Jehovah God, sets the standard of forgiveness. At Isaiah 1, God tells the rebellious nation of Israel: "Come, now, and let us set matters straight between us....Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be made as white as snow; Though they are red as crimson cloth, they will become like wool".(Isa 1:18) Crimson or red color is the color that will prove to be exasperating when washing stained cloths, but God uses this as a prime example of his forgiveness.


But there is a catch to Jehovah's forgiveness: "If you show willingness and listen, you will eat the good things of the land (because I have forgiven you). But if you refuse and rebel (rejecting my offer of forgiveness), you will be devoured by the sword, for the word of Jehovah has spoken it".(Isa 1:19, 20)


At Isaiah 55, God says: "Let the wicked man leave his way and the evil man his thoughts; Let him return to Jehovah who will have mercy on him, to our God, for he will forgive in a large way".(Isa 55:7) Thus, if a person is to be forgiven by God, he or she must "leave" their former course of life, including wrong thinking, and pursue that which is righteous in God's eyes, for "he will forgive in a large way".


An example of one who "did what was bad in Jehovah's eyes" was Manasseh, who followed "the detestable practices of the nations that Jehovah had driven out from before the people of Israel".(2 Chron 33:2) He "made his own sons pass through the fire (burned alive in sacrifice to gods such as Molech, Lev 20:2) in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom; he practiced magic, used divination, practiced sorcery, and appointed spirit mediums and fortune tellers. He did on a grand scale what was bad in Jehovah's eyes, to offend him".(2 Chron 33:6)


But, he changed, for "in his distress (when in prison in Babylon due to God's anger against him), he begged Jehovah his God for favor and kept humbling himself greatly before the God of his forefathers. He kept praying to Him, and He (Jehovah God) was moved by his entreaty and heard his request for favor, and He restored him to Jerusalem to his kingship. Then Manasseh came to know that Jehovah is the true God".(2 Chron 33:12, 13, see also verse 19)


Forgiveness by God depends upon a person's request for forgiveness or heart condition or lack of knowledge, not knowing right from wrong in Jehovah's eyes. When on the torture stake, Jesus prayed: "Father, forgive them (the Roman soldiers, not the Jewish religious leaders), for they do not know what they are doing".(Luke 23:34) The Roman soldiers were like the Ninevite men "who do not even know right from wrong" by God's holy standards.(Jonah 4:11)


But what if a husband is physically and emotionally violent and makes no changes in his attitude, disregarding loyalty to the marriage vow ? A wife has the right to her safety, and if she wishes to leave this abusive relationship, she can (1 Cor 7:11), but this is not grounds for divorce and remarriage, but sexual immorality is.(Matt 5:32; see also Matt 19:9)


Christians are not required to forgive those who practice malicious, willful sin with no repentance though fully aware of their wrongs in Jehovah's eyes, for David wrote: "Do I not hate those who hate you, O Jehovah, and loathe those who revolt (or leave him) against you ? I have nothing but hatred for them; They have become real enemies to me".(Ps 139:21, 22; see also 2 Chron 19:2 as well as Ps 101:3)


When a (former) mate makes continuous sarcastic or derogatory remarks about his or her mate, showing a cold and calloused attitude, this shows a lack of humility, and unwillingness to recognize their wrong. However, the innocent mate should still try to be cordial with the offending mate, and not speak harshly of him or her to his or her son or daughter, but help any children to focus on the positive of being loving and forgiving like our heavenly Father, Jehovah God.(see Jesus words at Matt 5:43-48, that in showing agape love and forgiving others, we can become "perfect" in love like God)


And in concluding, Jesus told the wicked Jewish religious leaders, who saw the power of God's holy spirit in expelling a demon, but attributed it to Beelzebub (another name the Jewish religious leaders used for Satan): "For this reason I say to you, every sort of sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the (holy) spirit (or God's active force) will not be forgiven. For example, whoever speaks a word against the Son of man (like Paul before he became a Christian), it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the holy spirit (by completely rejecting its power to accomplish whatever God wills, though clearly seeing its powerful works), it will not be forgiven him, no, not in this system of things nor in that to come".(Matt 12:31, 32; see also Heb 10:26-31)


These Jewish religious leaders, when they died, are not in God's memory for a resurrection, but are in Gehenna, or everlasting death.(see Matt 23:33) Their death does not zero out their sins, as Paul said at Romans 6:23, but remains attached to them, being unforgiven by Jehovah God.