I understand that you are only capable of seeing purposely being obedient to God as you working to save yourself. .
No, thats not it..
What you are not understanding is something that i teach everywhere.
Its this..
1.) Salvation is NOT Discipleship.
Most Christians, think that their Discipleship, or as you define it,...being obedient ,.....is their Salvation.
But its not.
See, Discipleship is NOT Salvation.....as Discipleship, is what YOU DO......and Salvation is what God did for you, as "the GIFT of Salvation".
Think of it like this, ... You can be a disciple of Christ, and cast out devils, and build 40 worldwide Churches that are all full every Sunday.... and die one day and meet God, and be told...>"depart from me, i never new you".
That happens.
And why is that? Because discipleship is not salvation, and its not a disciple that goes to heaven, its only someone who is born again.
So, Heaven is gained not be discipleship, but by being born again.
This is why Jesus didn't say..>"you must be an obedient disciple"......but rather He tells us in John 3, that we "MUST be born again".
And why is that?
Its because all your communion taking, and church membership, and speaking in Tongues, and living for the Lord, and Bible reading, and laying your hands on the sick, and casting out demons, and vows of poverty....cannot pay for your sin and redeem you from them.
And if your sin is not taken care of by the Blood of Jesus, then Jesus says you are not born again, and you "will die in your sins".
= John 3:36
Only the Blood of Jesus can take care of your sin, and the proof that is has, is to be "born again", of which Jesus said "YOU MUST BE".
Discipleship does not deal with redeeming your sin , so, being a good one or being not one at all, has no effect on being Saved or Lost, or "born again".