it's so depressing but what can I do it is reality can I do anything to forgive me nothing.
You seem to be struggling with wanting to know for sure IF you Can be sure NOW that you have an Afterlife With the Lord God.
The answer is YES.
The WAY and How is simple.
Only you personally can answer for yourself.
*) Do you Believe (in you heart) IN the Heavenly God, being Creator and Maker of All things?
*) Do you Believe (in your heart) God SENT His Word, as a man, (called JESUS) into the World, to Offer Salvation to All men?
*) Do you Believe (in your heart) Jesus Bodily Died and was Bodily Raised up to Living By the Power of God?
*) Do you Believe (in your heart) This JESUS, is the True Word of God?
*) Do you Believe (in your heart) This JESUS is the Christ of God / meaning the POWER of God, that CAN,
NOW, MAKE you WHOLE, WHOLLY (Perfected)
(body, soul, spirit), By, Through, IN Christ , Once and Forever ?
"IF" those answers "ARE" YES...
The HOW is Simple-
Call out to the Lord Jesus, in His Name...
* ) ASK for Forgiveness for your sins...
* *)You having been Naturally born, with out Belief.
* *)every day you lived without Belief...
TRUST in your heart, He is Faithful and Shall forgive All of your sins.
**) TELL Him, the Answers to YOUR YES.
TRUST in your heart, "He" is Faithful and "Shall make you wholly Kept unto Him forever."
And it is important for you to Know.
IF you call on His Name, and willingly Agree for Him to make you whole...
There will be "men", who will hate you, For your Belief, Same as there were men who Hated Jesus, for His Belief.
Glory to God,
Taken