What do you mean by this? Tried reading/keeping it in context w/determinism. It strikes something personal in me is why I ask. Evil as in...? self?
yes, just like that. Unfortunately the only term that really describes this behavior is Codependency, and that is a hard term to define. But picture like a little old lady coming to you as you are comfortably reclining and herding you to sit up so she can fluff your pillow, or something like that. i could set up a more pertinent codependent scenario but it would take a half a page, but the point is to see the manip, codependents are alternately manipulative and...arg, obsequious, sorry, there just isn't a better word, passive-aggressives are just codependents, being codependent.
these are invariably--well not narcissists, also a codependency, anti-codependency--so quite often at least very big hearted people, ok, they are not meaning to do anything but serve, and anyone in their orbit just better get ready to get served, that's all. Now we have an expression "get served" that we openly apply to narcissistic behavior, but i am applying it to non-narcissists, even though standard codependents are also quite narcissistic as well, and there are usually/always self-esteem issues too.
It's a deterministic way of maintaining one's ego while playing at service, is prolly a good def, tho i never thought to express it in terms of determinism before, nice. Someone who is considered more of a narcissist would just have no interest in playing at actual service, but instead prefers "you got served" in the current slang
ob·se·qui·ous
əbˈsēkwēəs/
adjective
- obedient or attentive to an excessive or servile degree.
"they were served by obsequious waiters"
synonyms: servile, ingratiating, sycophantic, fawning, unctuous, oily, oleaginous, groveling, cringing, subservient, submissive, slavish; More
understand most or all of this is subconscious; no one aspires to be a codependent when they grow up, it just happens, especially in first-world societies; we mostly all have a friend or adversary like this, the non-narcissist codependent i mean.
Try having this convo with them lol, as lovingly as you may, and let the vehement denial be your guide imo. Try suggesting a better MO for a specific situation, that allows the "victim" to...arg, "retain their sovereignty" is how i would put it, but...allows the victim to choose or whatever, retain their free will, and observe how it is rejected; bc in the Coda mind this person needs to be
served, we are talking about
helping this poor guy, right, and gracefully allowing him room to decline or deny would not be
serving them.
Codas will not take a
hint, and you can like slowly escalate the hint to comical proportions, you can even start laughing, don't worry, they are not going to get it. Try being baldly honest; imo this is the best therapy.
They are then going to go emo on you, get offended or superior, usually with lots of antics, and they know how to push buttons, ok, so imo don't go into this unprepared, but if you are able to retain your composure and understand that they are doing this bc it is the MO that they have been trained into, just think of them as like a younger sibling that is being willful that you unfortunately can't just beat them up, which is how kids get trained out of that i guess, or at least one way.
