Where can I find a really shy woman for a relationship?

[Brakelite]

@ShyIntrovert
There was a 19yo woman once whose match making auntie said, "the Lord has a husband for you. " This auntie was very well known in the district, the church, and the family for her match making successes. Those she brought together, stayed together. The young lady in question however would have none of it. She had no intention of marrying anyone. Ever. For any reason. She ran away from home, the area, 400 miles to stay with her brother in another city. The next Sunday took her nieces and nephew to church.
I was preaching that day in that Church. We married within a year. We celebrated 44 years of marriage last January.
Why am I sharing this? Because that entire scenario was an answer to prayer. Because I wanted someone to spend my life with, and I asked God to arrange it. So miracles happen. God has someone for you my friend... Just don't include all the provisos, conditions, expectations, and dreams.
You don't necessarily know what's good for you. But God does. Leave it up to Him.

 

[farouk]

But you started your OP by saying that because of your hormones, you've been tempted to get into a relationship.

@Mink57 It's good if ppl can move on from being dominated by hormones and instead concentrate their minds and hearts on Scripture which speaks of fellowship with a sin-hating God Who provided a Redeemer through Whom reconciliation was made possible at the Cross....

 

[Mink57]

Not exactly "weak" as a doormat, just a woman who is weaker than me. Because I need to be sure she will respect my authority and submit to me as the Bible commands (which doesn't mean blindly following everything I say but rather, respecting and not supplanting my position as the head and leader of the household).

The Bible commands that husband and wife submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Unfortunately, too many men (especially) pay unhealthy attention to the idea that the wife should "submit" to her husband...and they ignore the first verse (submitting to one another), which sets up the husband to become selfish, domineering and controlling.

You seem to have this idea that ALL single mom's in church are looking for a man they can dominate. Meanwhile, she very well may be looking for a man who's not going to try to dominate/control her. She may have left her husband because her husband abused his 'authority' in a selfish manner. She may have started out as "shy", and came to realize that her husband was a selfish jerk.

A bold confident woman on the other hand, would likely prevent me from building a Biblical marriage, and leave me trapped between obeying every of her whims or facing a divorce with its consequences, like a lot of men nowadays are.

And yet, you want HER to obey YOUR 'whims'. Seriously, do you have any idea what a 'Biblical' marriage is?

Try looking into Proverbs 31:10-31 about the 'Ideal Wife'. She is nothing like the woman you describe that you want.

Furthermore, the doormat type of woman (or man) has got a big minus as well, which is their high vulnerability to manipulation, extremely dangerous in a marriage. A simple interaction with a friendly-looking person (including a rebellious child) could easily mislead her, and consequently bring serious problems into our marriage. So I don't want that either.

Both men and women can be 'misled'. Even strong-minded people can be misled. You say that you're "shy" yourself. So while you may not be a 'doormat', you can still be misled.

 

[dev553344]

She needs to be shyer than me because I want to be the head and strong member of the relationship. Not the voiceless boy who will have to be ok with everything the dominant dozen friends woman wants.

In other words, I won't be able to build a Biblical marriage at all if I don't pick a timid, awkward, socially isolated woman, with less life experience and a very strong attachment to her parents. And as I'm also a very shy person myself (ok, a lot more so in real life than here) it's particularly important for me not to find myself with a typical modern woman.

At least your being honest. But quite honestly, it sounds like you're looking for someone to dominate, which is unhealthy. I can't help you there.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

If you knew more about relationships, you would realize that ALL of them have a stronger (alpha) and a weaker (beta) member. In some of them the alpha is stronger than in others, and same goes for the beta. But in ALL of them, there's one who holds more power than the other. Typically the alpha is the more experienced and intelligent one.

"Equal" relationships do not really exist, and if they did, I doubt they would last, because both members would constantly want to assume the role of the alpha. This is something most people won't want to hear, but the concept of equality is a myth. Equality doesn't exist in this world. Everything in this world is unequal. There will be always an alpha and a beta, no matter how hard do you attempt to "equal" both. This creation is based on alphas and betas.

And this is therefore how human (and animal) relationships work. Alphas and betas. There is always one who is above the other. If one doesn't assume the role of the alpha, then the other will automatically do it, and vice versa. The Bible orders that the husband be the alpha and the wife be the beta, because the man comes from God, and the woman from the man. Which is the reason Satan tempted the woman first, because she coming from the man is weaker than the man coming from God. And since Satan knew the woman was created for the man, he tempted him through her, and fell into the sin when she seduced him. Just like women now seduce men through their physical attractiveness. The woman is a seductress by nature, since she was created for the man, and has got the biological instinct of "repairing" or changing the man to her own taste. And it's only through Christ that she may be freed of her sinful nature and enter His Kingdom.

This is why I need to be the alpha, the leader, and this is why I need my wife to submit to me, and especially to the Lord. And for the purpose of risk minimization, I will have to marry a woman who will be willing and best suited to become the Biblical wife, which is a devout woman of Christ, with a shy and demure personality.

 

[Brakelite]

If you knew more about relationships, you would realize that ALL of them have a stronger (alpha) and a weaker (beta) member. In some of them the alpha is stronger than in others, and same goes for the beta. But in ALL of them, there's one who holds more power than the other. Typically the alpha is the more experienced and intelligent one.

"Equal" relationships do not really exist, and if they did, I doubt they would last, because both members would constantly want to assume the role of the alpha. This is something most people won't want to hear, but the concept of equality is a myth. Equality doesn't exist in this world. Everything in this world is unequal. There will be always an alpha and a beta, no matter how hard do you attempt to "equal" both. This creation is based on alphas and betas.

And this is therefore how human (and animal) relationships work. Alphas and betas. There is always one who is above the other. If one doesn't assume the role of the alpha, then the other will automatically do it, and vice versa. The Bible orders that the husband be the alpha and the wife be the beta, because the man comes from God, and the woman from the man. Which is the reason Satan tempted the woman first, because she coming from the man is weaker than the man coming from God. And since Satan knew the woman was created for the man, he tempted him through her, and fell into the sin when she seduced him. Just like women now seduce men through their physical attractiveness. The woman is a seductress by nature, since she was created for the man, and has got the biological instinct of "repairing" or changing the man to her own taste. And it's only through Christ that she may be freed of her sinful nature and enter His Kingdom.

This is why I need to be the alpha, the leader, and this is why I need my wife to submit to me, and especially to the Lord. And for the purpose of risk minimization, I will have to marry a woman who will be willing and best suited to become the Biblical wife, which is a devout woman of Christ, with a shy and demure personality.

Have you ever wondered the meaning and implications of this...
KJV Ephesians 5:24-25
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 

[Mink57]

If you knew more about relationships, you would realize that ALL of them have a stronger (alpha) and a weaker (beta) member. In some of them the alpha is stronger than in others, and same goes for the beta. But in ALL of them, there's one who holds more power than the other. Typically the alpha is the more experienced and intelligent one.

Nope. And if you knew more about intimate relationships, you'd know that the ones that thrive are the ones where each person considers the other to be equal to themselves. While not equal in all areas, all the time, equal, nonetheless.

There's a saying: "He who loves the least, controls the relationship" Seems like you're more interested in being with someone who you can control, rather than love.

"Equal" relationships do not really exist, and if they did, I doubt they would last, because both members would constantly want to assume the role of the alpha. This is something most people won't want to hear, but the concept of equality is a myth. Equality doesn't exist in this world. Everything in this world is unequal. There will be always an alpha and a beta, no matter how hard do you attempt to "equal" both. This creation is based on alphas and betas.

Equal relationships do exist. But it takes two mature individuals to know how to compromise, and how to peacefully resolve any conflict that comes up. If you don't already know this, you shouldn't even consider getting married.

And this is therefore how human (and animal) relationships work. Alphas and betas. There is always one who is above the other. If one doesn't assume the role of the alpha, then the other will automatically do it, and vice versa. The Bible orders that the husband be the alpha and the wife be the beta, because the man comes from God, and the woman from the man. Which is the reason Satan tempted the woman first, because she coming from the man is weaker than the man coming from God. And since Satan knew the woman was created for the man, he tempted him through her, and fell into the sin when she seduced him. Just like women now seduce men through their physical attractiveness. The woman is a seductress by nature, since she was created for the man, and has got the biological instinct of "repairing" or changing the man to her own taste. And it's only through Christ that she may be freed of her sinful nature and enter His Kingdom.

If a woman can 'tempt' a man into sin so easily, by a supposedly 'weak' woman, that doesn't sound like HE'S the "stronger" of the two.

This is why I need to be the alpha, the leader, and this is why I need my wife to submit to me, and especially to the Lord. And for the purpose of risk minimization, I will have to marry a woman who will be willing and best suited to become the Biblical wife, which is a devout woman of Christ, with a shy and demure personality.

She would also have to marry a man of Christ, which you do not seem to be right now.

Christ didn't seek to dominate and control, which is what you seem to want. He was a servant-leader, which is what seems that you don't want.

 

[TLHKAJ]

If you knew more about relationships, you would realize that ALL of them have a stronger (alpha) and a weaker (beta) member. In some of them the alpha is stronger than in others, and same goes for the beta. But in ALL of them, there's one who holds more power than the other. Typically the alpha is the more experienced and intelligent one.

"Equal" relationships do not really exist, and if they did, I doubt they would last, because both members would constantly want to assume the role of the alpha. This is something most people won't want to hear, but the concept of equality is a myth. Equality doesn't exist in this world. Everything in this world is unequal. There will be always an alpha and a beta, no matter how hard do you attempt to "equal" both. This creation is based on alphas and betas.

And this is therefore how human (and animal) relationships work. Alphas and betas. There is always one who is above the other. If one doesn't assume the role of the alpha, then the other will automatically do it, and vice versa. The Bible orders that the husband be the alpha and the wife be the beta, because the man comes from God, and the woman from the man. Which is the reason Satan tempted the woman first, because she coming from the man is weaker than the man coming from God. And since Satan knew the woman was created for the man, he tempted him through her, and fell into the sin when she seduced him. Just like women now seduce men through their physical attractiveness. The woman is a seductress by nature, since she was created for the man, and has got the biological instinct of "repairing" or changing the man to her own taste. And it's only through Christ that she may be freed of her sinful nature and enter His Kingdom.

This is why I need to be the alpha, the leader, and this is why I need my wife to submit to me, and especially to the Lord. And for the purpose of risk minimization, I will have to marry a woman who will be willing and best suited to become the Biblical wife, which is a devout woman of Christ, with a shy and demure personality.

You need a dog, not a wife.

 

[farouk]

But it takes two mature individuals to know how to compromise, and how to peacefully resolve any conflict that comes up.

True....

 

[marks]

Not exactly "weak" as a doormat, just a woman who is weaker than me. Because I need to be sure she will respect my authority and submit to me as the Bible commands (which doesn't mean blindly following everything I say but rather, respecting and not supplanting my position as the head and leader of the household).

A bold confident woman on the other hand, would likely prevent me from building a Biblical marriage, and leave me trapped between obeying every of her whims or facing a divorce with its consequences, like a lot of men nowadays are.

Furthermore, the doormat type of woman (or man) has got a big minus as well, which is their high vulnerability to manipulation, extremely dangerous in a marriage. A simple interaction with a friendly-looking person (including a rebellious child) could easily mislead her, and consequently bring serious problems into our marriage. So I don't want that either.

I'd see a personal counselor if I were you. And I don't mean that in any negative way. I've seen various counselors over the years, and the most meaningful were regarding my relationships.

You've got a 22 page thread on this topic, I do not expect you are going to listen to me. And you may just be trolling us all.

But it you do listen to me, and you are presenting yourself in truth, seek to improve your own emotional and mental health before entering into such a relationship, rather than seek someone less healthy then you are, so that you don't need to grow.

It seems you are looking for a set of attributes. So first you need to learn how to see people, and to do that, you'll need to learn how to see yourself.

Much love!

 

[farouk]

why do people get divorced after being married for 30 years, having sex 'x' amount of times during those 30 years?

@Mink57 Well, among those who love the Lord and seek to honour him, it needs to be combined also with prayer and Bible reading together preferably.

(Also, I always think prayer and Bible reading rather than condoms are the best defence against fornication....)

 

[TLHKAJ]

Biblically, we cannot find God using "alpha" and "beta" in relation to anything, especially marriage. The only place I've come across those terms and ones like it, is within MK Ultra ....trauma-based mind control. I'm praying this guy never marries unless he fully surrenders to God.

 

[farouk]

I don't know you, only what I've read here, but my suggestion to you is to forget about finding a wife for the moment, and focus on growing in love with God. I don't get the impression you've come to understand much about love. I don't say that in any insulting way. I didn't have the first clue about love for decades into my life. We don't always.

Discovering is better than controlling. Perceptions are not realities. And others don't necessarily follow the behavioral rules you may surmise.

Be patient, put your trust in Jesus, and wait for Him to show you, IF He intends a wife for you, whomever that may be.

Much love!

@marks Amos 3.3: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

It is truly sad when ppl start pushing dominance and control. (Not that I think that @ShyIntrovert is doing this; but learning the blessing of mutual respect and fellowship is highly important.)

 

[Pearl]

@marks Amos 3.3: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

It is truly sad when ppl start pushing dominance and control. (Not that I think that @ShyIntrovert is doing this; but learning the blessing of mutual respect and fellowship is highly important.)

I totally agree. To my husband I am friend, companion, lover and intellectual equal. We are a team.

 

[Dropship]

Where can I find a really shy woman for a relationship?

On the other hand you don't want a woman who's TOO shy..

 

[farouk]

I totally agree. To my husband I am friend, companion, lover and intellectual equal. We are a team.

I also think Christians dads should teach their sons to respect women and advise them to have condoms ready.

@Pearl I do think that because the permanent companionship - and between two Christians, fellowship - aspect is so vital, it's a pity when ppl focus immediately on the condom aspect.

 

[Pearl]

@Pearl I do think that because the permanent companionship - and between two Christians, fellowship - aspect is so vital, it's a pity when ppl focus immediately on the condom aspect.

Well that is vital at the start of a marriage it's what bonds you to each other so that you can face the storms together.

 

[farouk]

Well that is vital at the start of a marriage it's what bonds you to each other so that you can face the storms together.

@Pearl The honeymoon aspect.......

 

[Pearl]

@Pearl I do think that because the permanent companionship - and between two Christians, fellowship - aspect is so vital, it's a pity when ppl focus immediately on the condom aspect.

The companionship and intellectual equality is always a good thing. Nobody wants to be married to a doormat or a control freak.

 

[Pearl]

@Pearl The honeymoon aspect.......

Absolutely and for as long as possible after the honeymoon - years and years.