Aaaaah. Am I allowed to do that?
A historical overview freind.
Adoptionism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Theodosius of Byzantium, back in the 190s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Human. Got promoted. By virtue of his outstanding life, the Holy Spirit turned Jesus of Nazareth into “the Son of God.”
BONEHEADED IDEAS. So… maybe we can do likewise! (Mormon theology leans this way.)
Apollinarism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Apollinaris of Laodicea, 370s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Demigod. Jesus has a human body and emotions (the “lower soul”), but no mind, no will. That was taken over by the divine “word,” turning Jesus into a human/divine hybrid.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Hence the body and emotions can’t be redeemed by a Spirit-led life. We have to kill off the body and become pure spirits. (Much as Platonists believed.)
Arianism.
ALSO CALLED: Jehovah’s Witnesses.
WHOM TO BLAME. Arius of Alexandria, 310s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Another god. At creation, Jesus was created as a subordinate god to the One God. So we’re bitheists.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Much as Jesus said we can’t serve two masters, Arians lean towards worshiping one god over the other; usually Jesus over the One God. (JWs tend to worship the One God over Jesus.)
Docetism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Unknown; 70s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? God. Jesus wasn’t human. People only δοκοῦσιν/
dokúsin,
think, he’s human; he
seems human; he’s not really. Hence the term. (People tend to confuse docetists with gnostics, ’cause most gnostics adopted this idea.)
BONEHEADED IDEAS. So Jesus didn’t really share a true human experience. His birth was somehow painless; Mary felt nothing. He never had childhood injuries, never had childhood diseases, never got a splinter despite all the carpentry, never grew tired, never got sweaty, never farted after a heavy meal of chickpea stew. When he was crucified he didn’t
really suffer, which is why he never screamed or shouted out, and bore it silently. When he died he didn’t
really die; he only appeared to, but went to heaven. It’s still a popular view among Christians who are bothered by the idea of a truly human Christ. And of course Christian Scientists claim
all reality is an illusion; so Christ Jesus’s human life would be too.
Ebionism.
ALSO CALLED: Psilanthropism, meaning “merely-human-ism.”
WHOM TO BLAME. People ever since the beginning; so, 30s. Named for the אֶבְיוֹן/
evyón, “the poor,” a Christian sect which practiced holy poverty.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Human. Jesus was just an ordinary human. A great prophet, even Messiah, but certainly not God.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. And as a mere human, Jesus is extremely clever, but faillble, and his statements of divinity are all probably myths. Hence this is the view of anyone who doesn’t believe Jesus is God, like pagans, Unitarians, and Muslims.
Modalism.
ALSO CALLED: Sabellianism, monarchianism, patripassianism, Oneness Pentecostalism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Sabellius of Rome, 210s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? God. But God in human mode. See, sometimes God’s the Father… and sometimes he’s the Son (and on earth, Jesus of Nazareth), and sometimes the Holy Spirit. It all depends on what he’s currently doing. So God’s not actually a trinity; we’re just using different words for his different modes.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Because he’s created the illusion of being three persons, God is a bit deceptive. (And deceptively complicated.) Further, God is more might than love.
Monophysitism.
ALSO CALLED: Eutycheanism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Eutyches of Constantinople, 430s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? God. Jesus doesn’t have two natures, where he’s fully human and fully God: He has one nature, where he’s God. His divine nature overwhelms any human one.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Jesus has no human nature, and therefore wasn’t ever tempted in the same ways we are.
Monothelitism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Patriarch Sergius 1 of Constantinople, 638.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Demigod. Jesus has two natures, but only one divine will. He didn’t have to conform to what he saw the Father doing; he already had that will.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Jesus had no human will, and didn’t have to resist temptation and conform to the Father’s will.
Monothelitism.
WHOM TO BLAME. Patriarch Nestorius of Constantinople, 420s.
GOD, HUMAN, DEMIGOD, OR WHAT? Demigod. Jesus doesn’t have two natures, but two
persons—a human person and a divine person.
BONEHEADED IDEAS. Jesus has a human side and a divine side. (And sometimes they fight.) And because Mary only gave birth to the human person, it’s not accurate to call her the “mother of God,” ’cause Jesus isn’t God like that.