This may sound silly to some. But it is literally ruining my life and destroying my relationships with God and other people. I’ve been a Christian since I was eight.
I’ve been playing piano since middle school (I’m 33 now), but I’ve started in the last six or so years writing/composing very sinister songs on the piano. Not just are the Melodies dark, but the lyrics are violent and demonic. I can’t explain why I even started dabbling in such songwriting, I started for no reason about six years ago and was initially shocked by what I composed, but I slowly became desensitized to it and wrote more and more dark material and lost the sense of shock.
The dark song writing has hurt my family, romantic relationships, my relationship with church members, and cost me jobs in the past.
I think most would agree it’s problematic, but why is it an addiction? Because I literally can’t stop. I’m at the point where I abhorr my music but I can’t stop. I get a feeling of being high when I compose music, and I experience deep depression and get suicidal when I withdraw from it. I pray and pray that God will help me and take away the desire to write these songs, but I feel hopeless about the situation.
Please pray for me and any advice is welcome. Thanks.
I’ve been playing piano since middle school (I’m 33 now), but I’ve started in the last six or so years writing/composing very sinister songs on the piano. Not just are the Melodies dark, but the lyrics are violent and demonic. I can’t explain why I even started dabbling in such songwriting, I started for no reason about six years ago and was initially shocked by what I composed, but I slowly became desensitized to it and wrote more and more dark material and lost the sense of shock.
The dark song writing has hurt my family, romantic relationships, my relationship with church members, and cost me jobs in the past.
I think most would agree it’s problematic, but why is it an addiction? Because I literally can’t stop. I’m at the point where I abhorr my music but I can’t stop. I get a feeling of being high when I compose music, and I experience deep depression and get suicidal when I withdraw from it. I pray and pray that God will help me and take away the desire to write these songs, but I feel hopeless about the situation.
Please pray for me and any advice is welcome. Thanks.