you might read that as less "correction" as you did nothing wrong here per se and more like an illustration of a different way to perceive?
Fwiw i come from an extremely codependent family, and your remarks about the same ppl hurting you over and over resonated, ok. You might explore the concept "codependency," which is particularly difficult to get a gandle, a working def of, if you are in fact Coda. Contemplate that you are likely attempting to please these ppl or measure up in their eyes, get their approval? Which i still do, and i have been aware of my codependency for like 20 years now.
Melody Beattie wrote the seminal layman's work on the concept, "Codependent No More," which came out of families with alcoholic heads, and it is still hard to beat imo, but there are other resources now, and i will say that the reast of my fam has all read the book, and them being female i notice it seems to be a lot harder for them to assimilate this. Women are just more naturally perceived as servers i guess.
But i can tell you that this has become your MO now, and it is very easy to dismiss the concept as not applying to you ok. Coda (hard to find) or Al-anon (easier) meetings might help a lot, never been and want to go myself.
3 Ways to Tell if You Are Codependent - wikiHow
we are all hugely codependent in developed countries, it is often remarked. We constantly seek the approval of others, yes? And this will of course naturally set someone good hearted--who believes that if they just try hard enough with someone they will "come around"--up for failure, when they attempt this with someone who has no self respect, who will natch abuse you to make themselves feel better for a minute, sorta.
Briefly, imo you should not be putting yourself in a position, "doormat," to be hurt a second time by someone who has demonstrated a lack of respect for themselves, >you. And this used to happen all the time for me too. I learned to tell them to stfu and was amazed at how i immediately got respect from them, and i post that with some trepidation bc i dont recommend it--plus it is against forum rules ok--but it is prolly a stage you will have to go through.
Now i would just ignore them entirely, having done the best i could to forgive them their faults, but i recognized long time ago the only reason they were able to hurt me in the first place is bc i let them get too close too fast, out of a desire to belong and be accepted, which ppl here can tell you im sure that i dont seek much any more, prolly im still working out having swung too far the other way.
imo you are a girl and so you will be less hard headed about this than me, and kudos for even asking for help on this. It is a very tough concept, and it is your way of coping now, so plan on like a year or whatever to get a handle on this ok. Telling ppl "no" without providing any explanation whatever is perfectly acceptable, if you want to say No, ok? No can be said nicely, with a smile and everything, see? "Thats none of your effing business" is also a perfectly acceptable response, and can be said with a good demeanor, too. Which again i say with trepidation, but that is the stage i went through myself. Do yourself a favor and drop the f asap, the point there is to not get emotional about the exchange, note your emote level v theirs in most any exchange if you will; you are being maniped into the role of Eve, see, and they are playing adam, lets say.
best of luck to you, ok, and id appreciate hearing of any progress, even a year from now
i think you are just a very good-hearted person who has learned Coda as a way to cope, and coda is a very unsatisfying way to live, ok. Everyone else becomes the jerkoffs, etc.