Christians in the outside world, previously i tried to turn to you about a year ago at one of your forums, but my topic was deleted by a moderator (i can give you a link, i don't know are links allowed at this forum), i've been thinking for all of this time how to say that, not repeating mistakes of the past, but i couldn't invent anything new! One only thing i can try is not to name the problem because of which i can't live, can't live at all, but from other hand – also a coward to commit something like suicide, although i'm sure, anyone at my place would do that, because it's OUT OF HUMAN ABILITIES to continue like that any more.This time i turn to you because i know that if i try to turn to Russian Christians at Russian forums (though ALL THE POSSIBILITIES OF RUSSIAN LANGUAGE which i know much better than English), they will beat me up only more, because this is RIDICULOUS for them, and they are sure i "mock them up" (to "make fools of them"). Why do they do that when in the Bible it's said «Love believes everything»?! If i "cheat you up" or "mock you up" (be damn all that!), I will be guilty, and not you! Why can't you fulfill the commandment of the Bible and BELIEVE ME, why?!I really can't live now at all, and i know NO ONE to turn to (both in the Net and real life) this is why i turn to you now "as is", without "having invented anything philosophic or theologic" for the mentioned time, although i tried, and can give links to unfinished "drafts", but who needs them?! May i quote some passages:1st quotation(HOW I TRIED TO START THIS CALL FOR YOU ALL:)«…I was painfully thinking for many years how to say this; this is not how usually people talk at forums, and, much more, "chats" (without much thinking at what they say); this is, so to say, "sweat and blood" of my destiny (can't say even "LIFE", for … this is NO LONGER A HUMAN LIFE!). The matter is: i can't be Christian and can't not to be Christian too. Contradiction! (Crucifixion!; pain!) i was formed very much as a Christian, as i ardently believed in Christ in my early youth, and gave myself entirely for Christ, although then was very severely cheated, deceived, thrown away, beaten up and left without means to exist, subjected to all kinds of demonic impact and invasion. But let me try to put that "more in order":…It was in the time of the USSR (or, "Soviet Union") when i accepted Christ by faith, with a help of radio broadcasts of foreign "Enemy's voices", as they were called by Soviet propaganda, in a country where not only this was a crime (to listen foreign broadcasts), but much more – openly confessed faith in Christ, what could be punished by many years in labor camp or eternal psycho-prison (from which it's impossible to get out as "STILL A HUMAN BEING"!). But i wasn't afraid to preach Christ, even to teachers of atheism or "social science" (in other word, "Communism"), even, once, to a head of a military enterprise where i was sent "to make atom bomb" by deception (i was told, it was a "peaceful enterprise", while i was Christian pacifist and couldn't take part in producing means of killing and torture f men), for i was much more afraid before words of Christ in the Gospel:,,Fully this story you can read in my previous writings (i've tried many times to describe my previous life: both in English and Russian…); now i tell it only to give an idea that i WAS a fearless Christian, and no fear of human (and even humanless!) persecution could stop me, although … i was not only "stopped", but … "TURNED UPSIDE DOWN", so that now many would call me "possessed by the devil", and even "satanist", as under humanless torture — also by those, who call themselves "Christians" — they even made me to cry many times most demonic things, up to «satan, help!», as they, by that (in that torture!), COMPLETELY MIX ALL THE NOTIONS TURNING THEM UPSIDE DOWN, when … "God" in their language is "devil" in mine, "good" – "evil", and "evil – good" (as they require "IGNORE ALL THE EVIL" and always "press" on their own doing "EVIL SAKE GOOD"), etc…Correspondingly, "Plea for human mercy and help" in that human(less?) language would mean «Beat me up by demonic hatred, slander and evil of the evil one slanderer "FOR THE SAKE OF SOME SUPERGOOD"»!— How, then, to REALLY CRY FOR SOME HUMAN PARTICIPANCE, MERCY AND HELP in the conditions and language of such … «New Babylon» where all words changed their sense?! …Maybe from here for someone is seen how: 1. in SUCH LANGUAGE, 2. under DEMONIC TORTURE BY EVIL, any my search for … "something human" (without mentioning "God's") turned unto "satan, help!"?! This, then, terrified with great fear, and even I couldn't myself understand "How could it happen?!"; although … WHAT ELSE REMAINED when … ALL WORDS CHANGED THEIR MEANING TO THE OPPOSITE?!Then … what do i want now (turning with this cry to Christian forums)?! (Much more: to ENGLISH, with no hope to find anything except «demonic slander and hatred called "God's truth and love" on those Russian?!) To be beaten up only more? — I really search for someone "more traditional" in linguistic sense; otherwise – how to explain the parables in the Gospel:One about the beaten up by the robbers and answer of Christ?!. Here are contemporary answers to this parable QUOTED FROM REAL LIFE (i don't "invent" anything):
lease, notice inverted commas surrounding this word;they mean to say that the "prophet" –is not in the sense of Old Testament prophets, of course…,for that was … a most special SERVICE and GIFT of IT'S OWN TIME,which nowadays try to "repeat", "imitate" – sort of madness!;but … from other hand, it's already a SORT OF BLINDNESS – not to seeinto what that ancient Service and Gift has now developed(or, in other words, «What's on the place of it?»),when … there are no more "revelations" in some "special sense"(i.e., sent through a prophet…),for … in a sense, ALL is revelation(«…You will see heavens open and angels of God ascendingand descending to the Son of Man»),and in the Son of God (Christ) God is FULLY reveled(«…Who has seen Me, has seen the Father»;«…in Him abides ALL THE FULLNESS of Godhead»…),— where only natural limitation is in ABILITY OF MEN TO ACCEPT IT("to open up oneself", so to say!), and so:certain people do it to a certain degree, others – to a certain…,what is already called in Apostolic scriptures as «Gifts of the Holy Spirit»(Gift doesn't exist without the ABILITY TO ACCEPT SUCH A GIFT,for, from other hand, it is said: «do not throw a holy thing before pigs»!),so – all the people are different by their talents and gifts(as the Apostle goes on with his teaching)as the members of Church as the Body if Christ…— In line with that teaching,I simply can't "hide away" or …"dig into ground"the precious things which I find,and that's all!From other hand(and this refers toanother of evangelical images):I can't "shut up" or "chop" what has grown in mefrom the Seed once sown by Christ!— This last image is much more exact (than the previous one),for Eastern (Orthodox) Christianity has much more to dowith such GROWTH OF THE LIVING SEED (than …"Roman juridism" or "Jewish monetarism",from where that previous image about the "talent" really is…).I really feel myself as … "engrafted to Christ" despite many terrible thingsafter which the majority of Christians would even deny …the itself possibility of me being a Christian!How I feel myself before ChristI really don't feel myself like a …gnennoe.ru/e/sodomy.htm(Excuse me for that, i'm really dying, i don't know english words to tell that, all inside as if "crackles", it's very hard for me to think what i do, although there the problem described, because of which everyone hates me, YOU TOO?!?!?!)
- Unbeliever (non-Christian): «As for me, I am not beaten up»;
- Believer (Christian): «As for me, I am not beating up»;
- Both: «The beaten up is but a lazy egoist, for: ALLOWED to beat up oneself; DOES NOT WANT TO HELP HIMSELF, mocking others and turning them away from their business» ("right paths"…);
- Orthodox Christian: «The problem is in him, and not in those robbers; till he would not realize such root in himself, nothing can help him!»;
- another Orthodox Christian: «While robbers … were always and will be always, the problem is not in them, but in the one who blames his inner problems at the outside world!».
lease, notice inverted commas surrounding this word;they mean to say that the "prophet" –is not in the sense of Old Testament prophets, of course…,for that was … a most special SERVICE and GIFT of IT'S OWN TIME,which nowadays try to "repeat", "imitate" – sort of madness!;but … from other hand, it's already a SORT OF BLINDNESS – not to seeinto what that ancient Service and Gift has now developed(or, in other words, «What's on the place of it?»),when … there are no more "revelations" in some "special sense"(i.e., sent through a prophet…),for … in a sense, ALL is revelation(«…You will see heavens open and angels of God ascendingand descending to the Son of Man»),and in the Son of God (Christ) God is FULLY reveled(«…Who has seen Me, has seen the Father»;«…in Him abides ALL THE FULLNESS of Godhead»…),— where only natural limitation is in ABILITY OF MEN TO ACCEPT IT("to open up oneself", so to say!), and so:certain people do it to a certain degree, others – to a certain…,what is already called in Apostolic scriptures as «Gifts of the Holy Spirit»(Gift doesn't exist without the ABILITY TO ACCEPT SUCH A GIFT,for, from other hand, it is said: «do not throw a holy thing before pigs»!),so – all the people are different by their talents and gifts(as the Apostle goes on with his teaching)as the members of Church as the Body if Christ…— In line with that teaching,I simply can't "hide away" or …"dig into ground"the precious things which I find,and that's all!From other hand(and this refers toanother of evangelical images):I can't "shut up" or "chop" what has grown in mefrom the Seed once sown by Christ!— This last image is much more exact (than the previous one),for Eastern (Orthodox) Christianity has much more to dowith such GROWTH OF THE LIVING SEED (than …"Roman juridism" or "Jewish monetarism",from where that previous image about the "talent" really is…).I really feel myself as … "engrafted to Christ" despite many terrible thingsafter which the majority of Christians would even deny …the itself possibility of me being a Christian!How I feel myself before ChristI really don't feel myself like a …- former Jew, who became now Christian, and so whose sins are REDEEMED«by the blood of Christ», as they say; but:
- I wasn't UNDER JEWISH LAW, to have such a … NOTION OF SIN, which requiresRedemption, and, what's more, – BY BLOOD! (Don't feel, for example, even likePaul the Apostle when he says that … «Blood of goats and sheep is "notsufficient" for TRUE and REAL redemption of sins»…, and so – to "NEED MORE",BLOOD OF CHRIST!)
- I'm at all not a partaker of "rituals of blood", and never was such; "blood"in my system of notions really means NOTHING, except that I can't look at it,for lose consciousness in case of seeing blood! Though, this is but anotherreason, why Jewish "imagery" or even direct MYSTICISM of «Blood» to me is NOTAPPLICABLE!;
- Protestant, who …«…has come into "Deal",a "Transaction" with Christ»,and so …"by the Conditions of such deal"("Points of the transaction") —feels oneself as "Saved";Salvation is "guaranteed by the Deal",and so – not a matter of any kind of a …"mystic search", "prayer for mercy" or … GROWTH(as is im my case!);for a Protestant it's:
- 1. QUITE RATIONALLY-UNAMBIGUOUS;
- 2 QUITE JURIDICALLY-GUARANTEED;
- Sick, ill, in disease, having need to be cured;
- Little sprout, or a … person who has just been born into unknown world, needing GROWTH to survive (or … in more traditional Christian terms, "to get saved":
- Salvation is not understood in the Orthodox Christianity as "Juridical" or "Magical" act, but much more understood … SUBSTANTIONALLY, ONTOLOGICALLY, that is – IN THE MATTERS OF THE BEING, where the question is simple: CAN ONE EITHER NOT accept the New Life; for example: if one is afflicted with illness of sinful passions and can't not to sin … it's very hard to imagine such a person amidst the Partakers of the Heavenly Life (although … «impossible for humans is possible for God»; it's not in traditions of the Orthodox Christianity to think that "someone is out of Salvation", while … from the other hand, it requires to think in such way of ONESELF, saying to oneself time and again: «I'm a worst sinner, as far from Salvation as no one else!»; «Jesus Christ, Son of God, be merciful to me, a sinner!»)
- Sin for the Orthodox Christianity is … MALADY, ILLNESS, DISEASE first of all, requiring … HEALING, CURING, TREATMENT, continuing … all of person's earthly life, in the Church as the Body of Christ (outside of which any such "treatment" is senseless!). No one can say of oneself: «I am cured from sin; I'm not ill with sin anymore» for entire duration of one's earthly life, because … the more sins are cured (or, in old terms, "forgiven"), THE ONLY MORE PERSON SEES with one's OPENING SPIRITUAL EYES being also healed from the ILLNESS OF BLINDNESS! They really are OBSTACLES TO THE ETERNAL LIFE, and so – any true Orthodox Christian feels oneself before God as … PERISHING (not "saved", as a Protestant, waving with "mental indulgences signed", or "sacrifice brought", like the Old Testament Jew!), going to PERISH, to HELL, in need of one only thing: praying to Christ for mercy! («Jesus Christ, Son of God, be merciful to me, a sinner!»…) By the way: word "mercy" comes from Greek origin meaning OIL, surely MEDICAL oil, to cure wounds! (Wounds of sin!) How far it is in the Orthodox Christianity from any "Juridical" or "Magical" (or even "Humanist-Moralist") understanding! Oil as a … CURE! Where will you be with all of your "Indulgences signed" or brought "Sacrifices of blood", when … just the CURE OF MERCY is needed?! «I want mercy and not sacrifice!» – even says God through the Old Testament prophet!
gnennoe.ru/e/sodomy.htm(Excuse me for that, i'm really dying, i don't know english words to tell that, all inside as if "crackles", it's very hard for me to think what i do, although there the problem described, because of which everyone hates me, YOU TOO?!?!?!)
