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Featured Domestic Violence

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality Forum' started by TLHKAJ, Sep 15, 2020.

  1. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Does the Bible specifically give any rights to women/wives who are experiencing domestic violence?
    I know a lot of people will give their opinions that a woman should leave in such cases. But is that supported Scripturally?

    What advice can you give based upon the Word of God?


    I'm fine with people sharing what a husband's duty is toward his wife. But that isn't the question here, because in the case of domestic violence, he obviously isn't holding up to his Biblical responsibility.
     
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  2. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    Malachi...
    That famous quote people love to use to tell others that they cannot divorce..."I hate Divorce says the Lord".

    It's actually a slice taken out of context of a larger section that explains how God hates abuse more than divorce.

    Let me further detail out this by explaining that "putting away" a wife was considered by God to be tantamount to bloodshed (murder) when done without cause.
    (Putting away a wife was basically just kicking your wife out of the home and providing her with nothing...no food, money or clothing but not divorcing her and giving to her the dowry or bride price)
    Women had no access to the courts according to Jewish custom...so a woman was not allowed to seek out a divorce. She could find herself "put away" for even suggesting such a thing.

    Women/wives were often beaten or struck for various reasons/offenses. But not on the face or harmed in such a fashion that they ever lost mobility or ability to perform normal duties of the household.
    Otherwise the people of the city/community would take offense that you abused a "daughter of Abraham" in such a fashion and return to you double to four times the treatment as you gave her. And if you didn't learn your lesson the first time they felt no need to try and convince you a second time so you would be stoned.

    God wanted it to be very clear and careful about how He stated such things as people have a horrible tendency to twist God's words to their own desires. See how they have twisted how God hates divorce?
    They mischaracterized the passage that says that God hates abuse more than divorce.
     
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  3. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    I see...and thank you for sharing these insights, @JohnDB. It does help.
    I'm still not seeing any actual options given to women suffering abuse at the hands of their husband. Stoning is not a thing, or any sort of punishment to the abuser...not in the churches.
    So many Christian women stay and continue to be abused, and some are eventually killed. It is also terribly damaging to children who witness it, or even may also be suffering abuse.

    Does the Word of God specifically give any advice to women who suffer abuse at the hands of her husband as to what she should do...or a woman who wants to protect her children from abuse?

    So far, I only see that she is to submit to him ...which in case of DV, means, submit to abuse.
     
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  4. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    One last thing....
    There usually was a ketubah...a marriage contract that was agreed to before the bride price was paid or dowry was given.

    It varies from couple to couple as to the contents of specifics but generally speaking it had various things such as:
    How many times a week a husband had to perform physical intimacy with his wife...he was let off the hook if he had a physically demanding job but more if it was "office work".
    She had to cook food and household chores.
    He had to provide a house, clothing (spelled out as to the means of provision...could just be raw wool she had to make into garments)

    Any community obligations that she might be responsible for when being part of a large family.
    And he might be responsible for her mother and providing for her or the spouses sisters. And then what his responsibilities for them would be as well as these women's responsibilities would entail.

    And as well there would be a detailed explanation of division of assets and procedures if a divorce was determined to be desired by him.
     
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  5. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    So what if either of them failed to honor that covenant? Did that constitute an annulment of the marriage?
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2020 at 6:39 PM
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  6. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    Well,
    Because of rescources today..kinda not really any excuse for allowing the situation.
    There are many types of abuse.
    Emotional
    Financial
    Physical (including sex)
    Blackmail

    And these things should be discussed in marriage seminars...and actually are in most cases.
    Most churches I know of have small group Bible study and these sorts of things often contain marriage classes for spouses to improve their marriages. Of course abuse is covered.

    For those outside of the church...I have no idea of their rescources. And I always strongly advise against men or women marrying anyone who is not a Christian. Abusers are usually all about control and isolation of those they want to control.
    The blackmail abuse is the most difficult to ascertain. Mostly because at a very surface level things appear normal. But as soon as that veil is pierced...it's over. So usually the blackmailer warns the blackmailed by announcing embarrassing details... getting progressively more embarrassing as further control is wanted.
    And that's when it's time to really investigate.
     
  7. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    What if, say, a woman is being beaten, subjected to abusive or violent or degrading sex acts, or offered/given to other men? What if they both were believers at marriage, but eventually the husband falls away and there is no chance of marriage counseling?
    What I am looking for is Biblical/Scriptural reference. What does God say?
     
  8. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    Ahhhh
    Yes, she could take a copy of the ketubah to a Rabbi...if she was living in the home. But she might find herself "put away" as well.

    You have to remember that polygamy was mandated in some cases and desired in others. A wife's pecking order was determined by her husband. Polygamy wasn't considered abuse.

    If she burned the cheapest dinner...it was considered grounds for divorce by some Rabbi. Only adultery was grounds for other Rabbi. (Same thing as here in America today)

    And that exact question was put to Jesus in Matthew 19.

    Jesus addressed the abusive situation surrounding the Put Away Wives.

    People were fairly certain but didn't necessarily have proof of which women were put away wives. A put away wife could not marry or else she would be convicted of adultery and stoned (John 8)
    So men would take advantage of the situation and had what was tantamount to wife swapping and divorce...marriage parlors where a person could get married for a few hours and divorced...or a few weeks.
    It was a bit of a scandal.

    But the true gist of what Jesus stated was that if a husband did not BEHAVE like a God fearing person then it's basically permitted. Jesus also gave a very, very strong caution about knowing exactly who it was that you were going to marry as well.

    Remarriage statistics aren't really good.
    Only 34% of second marriages are successful and 25% of third...the stats on successive marriages only gets worse.

    Behavior of a husband or wife was the gist of what He said...faith wasn't...this was later explained more by Paul in one of his letters about wives being reconciled with their husbands.. Now it is interesting to note that Greek/Roman men often had a consort or girlfriend. (A publicly recognized relationship but not a spouse) So in his letter to Corinthian Wives on this subject it's rather interesting...it's later discussed in Timothy that men with Consort's were considered by Paul to be polygamists by referencing the consort as a wife which to Greeks was a somewhat insulting fashion.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2020
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  9. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    What was permitted? Annulment?
     
  10. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    1 Cor. 7 does not seem to push remarriage either. (Not does Romans 7).
     
  11. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Okay ...so all things considered, there is no protection for women and children in cases of DV/abuse....according to the Bible.
     
  12. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    1 Corinthians 7 says '...but and if she depart...', maybe foreseeing that there will be extreme situations.
     
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  13. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    Divorce decrees were issued...no such thing as an annulment. She couldn't go back to her father's house.
     
  14. JohnDB

    JohnDB Active Member

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    Re-read the bottom of post #8 as I made an addition.
     
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  15. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you ...could you address post #7?
     
  16. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    This seems to be the only option, doesn't it? Leaving, but not divorcing.

    But what then, if he has committed adultery?
     
  17. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    I don't see that adultery in itself dissolves a marriage, it does play extreme havoc to it; there is a distinction there, though. If adultery were deemed ipso facto to dissolve a marriage, then there would be no room in theory for grace to intervene.
     
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  18. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    And yet, fornication is?
     
  19. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    Well, in terms of NT word studies, where fornication and adultery are considered together, fornication refers to pre-marital activity while adultery is within marriage.

    I know ppl sometimes use the terms interchangeably.
     
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  20. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Yes, and I'm considering the difference. So still, a man can divorce his wife if she was not a virgin when he married her. But if a man had committed fornication prior to marriage, she has no right to divorce ....right?
     
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