I want to praise God for who He is. I am grateful for His love and patience with me. Because even though I love Him, my actions don't always show it. I am a bit discouraged I didn't finish the 3 week Google/forum fast I set out to do. I find I need to take a step back and figure out what I did wrong (compromised by keeping facebook, then following links,etc).
I have grown closer to God, and got back to devotions. So it hasn't been a total loss. I want to pray about starting over on this one and do something a bit simpler for now (our church does one annually for 3 weeks in January. I usually do not talk about when/what I fast except for one or two accountabilities. This has just been an exception, because I realize now Ive been living in sin...Google has been the biggest fuel to my anxiety. And I feed off of it. Internet is an idol if I can only make it 6 days. It is hard to do a partial fast, when things have to be done on the internet and communicating. Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil when she could have freely taken from the tree of life. And basically I realize this is what I choose time and time again rather then the way of life. I am pretty much humbled as I've realized these things. Ive been pretty much more depressed lately then anxious. I am afraid my daughter is going to be living in a fallen country where she could be persecuted for following Christ. I've been wanting to find out about the shutdown, afraid to fly to Texas to see my aunt with my daughter right now, so am not going...the snowstorm...knowing to prepare isn't bad... but the anxiety part is. It is just a frustrating cycle to find a balance. I started homeschooling my daughter this week. That will help me find a balance and this is a praise too. I can teach her about Christ. And I am praying scripture over her. I do not want to speak my anxieties over her life.
I find it sad... I have felt a border wall could protect our country better, when really, it is crumbling from the inside. I find it sad that there is a lot of pain going on in the world right now. I guess I have just been grieving a little bit. But God is faithful and still on His throne even when I am running around without peace. I will continue seeking His perfect peace.
I have grown closer to God, and got back to devotions. So it hasn't been a total loss. I want to pray about starting over on this one and do something a bit simpler for now (our church does one annually for 3 weeks in January. I usually do not talk about when/what I fast except for one or two accountabilities. This has just been an exception, because I realize now Ive been living in sin...Google has been the biggest fuel to my anxiety. And I feed off of it. Internet is an idol if I can only make it 6 days. It is hard to do a partial fast, when things have to be done on the internet and communicating. Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil when she could have freely taken from the tree of life. And basically I realize this is what I choose time and time again rather then the way of life. I am pretty much humbled as I've realized these things. Ive been pretty much more depressed lately then anxious. I am afraid my daughter is going to be living in a fallen country where she could be persecuted for following Christ. I've been wanting to find out about the shutdown, afraid to fly to Texas to see my aunt with my daughter right now, so am not going...the snowstorm...knowing to prepare isn't bad... but the anxiety part is. It is just a frustrating cycle to find a balance. I started homeschooling my daughter this week. That will help me find a balance and this is a praise too. I can teach her about Christ. And I am praying scripture over her. I do not want to speak my anxieties over her life.
I find it sad... I have felt a border wall could protect our country better, when really, it is crumbling from the inside. I find it sad that there is a lot of pain going on in the world right now. I guess I have just been grieving a little bit. But God is faithful and still on His throne even when I am running around without peace. I will continue seeking His perfect peace.
