Divorce; does God want us to stay in a 'bad' marriage?
Dee writes: What do you think of Divorce? If a man and his wife are never on the same wavelength, why stay together? If they are always fighting, what's the point, if "he doesn't find favor in his eyes for her," why stay together? Does it mean to be a Christian you have to stay together? Does God expect this ??
Answer:Hello Dee, obviously you are in the midst of a predicament with your marriage. My opinion is unimportant, but what you could benefit from is some Scripture relating to marriage and divorce. Also Dee, I will cover many topics in this answer, so don't think that I am directing any one thing towards you individually, I am simply answering the question generally for all who may read it.First of all, God hates divorce, but second of all, God is also Himself a divorcee having divorced Israel (in a spiritual sense of course). In the Bible, divorce is called
"putting away".And the term
"covering of a woman with the skirt" means to marry her. You remember how Ruth had encouraged Boaz to marry her in
[Ruth 3:9], she told him to place his skirt (coat, cloak, garment) over her. This is how they married back then. I don't want to be too blunt, but what they did then was to go into the tent and he covered her with his coat (cloak, skirt, garment) and they consummated the marriage. And it was a binding marriage in the eyes of all, as well as in the eyes of the Lord. They didn't need to pay some clergy in some church all kinds of money to be married, man added that as he adds many things. From the
The New Unger's Bible Dictionary: (click to review)
SKIRT: Figurative. To raise the skirts of a woman's garment is a symbol of insult and disgrace
[Jer 13:22,26; & Nah 3:5], whereas to cover her with one's skirt was a token of matrimony
[Ruth 3:9].And in the below Scripture, we see that God indeed hates divorce:
Mal 2:1616 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that
he hateth putting away: for one
covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. (KJV)At the end of this answer study, we will cover the sixteenth chapter of the book of Ezekiel to document God's marrying of, divorcing from, and promised remarriage to Israel in the eternity. Below is another scripture covering this so as to settle it in our mind until we fully cover it in the book of Ezekiel at the end of this study answer. Remember this is all meant in a spiritual sense. Israel is the ten tribes of the Northern Kingdom, and Judah is the two tribes of the Southern Kingdom. Together these made up the twelve tribes of Israel, God's chosen people.
(See note below) Jer 3:8 (God speaking)8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. (KJV)
NOTE: It should be pointed out that the ten Northern tribes of Israel migrated North over the Caucasus Mountains
(where we get our word Caucasian from) and settled Europe traveling westward over the ocean and establishing the Americas. They are the promise people, contrary to current teachings. For a much more in-depth study of the migration of the twelve tribes of Israel as well as some suggested books on the subject, see the
Introduction to the book of Malach Bible study. And from the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia:
DIVORCE; Spiritual application: The Hebrew prophets regarded the Lord not only as the Father and King of the chosen people, and thus entitled to perfect obedience and loyalty on their part, but they conceived of Him as a husband married to Israel. Isaiah, speaking to his nation, says: "For thy Maker is thy husband; the Lord of hosts is his name"
[Isaiah 54:5]. Jeremiah too makes use of similar language in the following: "Return, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am a husband unto you"
[Jer 3:14]. It is perfectly natural that New Testament writers should have regarded Christ's relation to His church under the same figure. Paul in 2nd Corr says: "I am jealous over you with a godly jealousy: for I espoused you to one husband, that I might present you as a pure virgin to Christ"
[2nd Corr 11:2]; see also
[Mt 9:15; Jn 3:29; Rev 19:7]. Any unfaithfulness or sin on the part of Israel was regarded as spiritual adultery, which necessarily broke off the spiritual ties, and divorced the nation from God
[Isa 1:21; Ezek 16:22; Rev 2: 22]. But now lets look at some scriptures that cover the topic of divorce. There is permissible reason to get a divorce in God's Word. In the below scriptures, both Old and New testament we see:
Deut 24:1-41 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance. (KJV)_____________________
Matt 19:7-97 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (KJV)______________________
Matt 5:31-3231 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (KJV)_______________________
Mark 10:1-121 And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (KJV) So then, is divorce for reasons other than those above sinful? That's what the Word says. Is divorce an unforgivable sin? Of course not.Jesus Christ was tortured and murdered on the cross for the sins of mankind, for ALL who would simply accept Him and believe upon Him. To say that you can not be forgiven for a divorce is to say that Christ's blood that day at Calvary was not able, that the sacrifice and offering of One whom had lived 33 years in the flesh and committed not even one sin was not a worthy and an acceptable offering to God in your stead. God forbid!Divorce is like any other sin, if you have committed it, repent to the Father and asked to be cleansed of it in the name of Jesus Christ. Then it is gone, erased as though it never existed; in fact it is an insult to Christ to ask the Father to forgive the same one sin twice, because what you are basically saying is that you did not believe that God counted Christ's blood and sacrifice worthy the first time. If you commit a particular sin again, then you must repent again. See the
FORGIVENESS in-depth Bible study.Once we ask God to forgive us in the name of Jesus Christ, We are cleansed, not because you or I am worthy, man never could be, but because The One who stepped in for us was worthy. If we had to be worthy of forgiveness we would all go to
hell. God knew that, that is why He sent us Jesus Christ, that through Him we could have life eternal. God was not just bored and decided to become flesh one day to be tortured and murdered by a bunch of heathen; there is a reason for everything He does, and it is all done in a love that we could never fathom. Even when God chastises us, and He does have His ways of chastising us, it is done BECAUSE He loves us:
"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." [Prov 13:24].
Isa 53:1-5 (Foretelling of the Messiah, some 625 years before Jesus died on the cross in fulfillment of this scripture and many others)1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. (KJV) Dee, I don't know what you are going through, but you do seem saddened. God knows this, God can read our hearts (minds):
"And God, which knoweth the hearts, bare them witness, giving them the Holy Ghost, even as he did unto us" [Acts 15:8]. God does not wish any to suffer, but He must let us realize the consequences of our actions and decisions, or how else will we ever learn and overcome? We are still in the flesh here on earth, the time for heaven is not yet. But that time will come in our near future when we can look forward to the eternity in heaven, God promised it and He does not lie:
"In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began" [Titus 1:2]. Rev 21:1-7 (speaking of the eternity)1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. (KJV)Maybe you are a totally innocent victim in your failing marriage, or maybe you are the only one at fault, but most likely there is some wrong on both your parts. If only we continued to treat each other as we did when our love first blossomed, I don't think there would be hardly any divorces. But we tend to take for granted that which we won't realize the value of, until it is thrown away.It would be irresponsible of me to suggest for, or suggest against a divorce when I don't know both sides of the story, and there is always another side to every story involving human emotions. But certainly if you were in danger of extreme physical abuse, you'd be better to divorce. I base that on the fact that in God's Law it is permissible to kill in self defense, certainly it is permissible to divorce to protect yourself. See the
WHEN A CHRISTIAN TAKES A LIFE in-depth Bible study.Have you considered prayer, I know prayer seems to be "
out of style" in these degraded times, but prayer is just as powerful to the believer now as it ever was; God did not withdraw His blessings from those who pray and believe.
James 5:1616 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (KJV)____________
Mark 9:2323 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. (KJV) God created everyone, and owns all things, he can touch the mind of those you struggle with, and effect changes that would not be possible for man to accomplish.
Matt 19:2626 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God
all*1 things are possible. (KJV)
Explanation from above verse: *1 all = Don't just read over this word. When our savior Jesus Christ states that with His Father, Almighty God,
ALL things are possible, He means it! There is no hopeless case when one is a believer. Faith is a very powerful force, and the lack of it is equally powerful to the negative:
1 Cor 1:18-25(Apostle Paul speaking)18 For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.19 For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.20 Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?21 For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.22 For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom:23 But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness;24 But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. (KJV) Having trust in God, and faith in Jesus Christ can secure all. And like we stated in the beginning of this answer, God is Himself a divorcee. Below is the scripture which documents that fact beyond any doubt. In the following scripture we will see that God did in fact marry Israel (His chosen people), but we also will see that Israel whored after (chased after) other gods and betrayed God. God then
"put Israel away" which means He divorced 'her'.We also shall see that God will future yet forgive 'her' and take her back to wife again. There is a beautiful love story in the below set of scriptures
[Ezek chapter 16], but you must relate to it in a spiritual sense, for obviously God does not go through a literal marriage festival with a Nation of people, and through Christ, all the peoples of the world can be grafted into the bride of Christ.. We will be covering the sixty-three verses of Ezekiel chapter sixteen, but to save space, we will only supply the subject topic for each group of the verses and certain specific verses. You can read all the verses in your
King James Version Bible, (click to review).Remember to look at the spiritual meaning of the below verses. It is literally about a woman being born, blossoming into a woman, and eventually marrying. Then she commits adultery and is divorced by her husband. She is later forgiven by her 'husband' and is remarried to him. That is exactly what happened with God's chosen, Jerusalem. And the adultery of Israel was to worship other gods and idols.
EZEKIEL CHAPTER 16
Ezek 16:1-63In
Ezek 16:1-7 below, we see Jerusalem have an unclean birth. When Jerusalem was founded it was called "Je'bus." Before David conquered it, it was a heathen place: 1 Again the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,2 Son of man, cause Jerusalem to know her abominations,3 And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD unto Jerusalem; Thy birth and thy nativity is of the land of Canaan; thy father was an Amorite, and thy mother an Hittite.4 And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all.5 None eye pitied thee, to do any of these unto thee, to have compassion upon thee; but thou wast cast out in the open field, to the lothing of thy person, in the day that thou wast born.6 And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live.7 I have caused thee to multiply as the bud of the field, and thou hast increased and waxen great, and thou art come to excellent ornaments: thy breasts are fashioned, and thine hair is grown, whereas thou wast naked and bare. In
Ezek 16:8 below, we see God marry Jerusalem: 8 Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine.In Ezek
16:9-14 below, we see God cleaning up and blessing Jerusalem. And Jerusalem truly was blessed by God, like a man dotes after the special lady love of his life. Remember, this is God speaking to the prophet, all these " I's " are God referring to Himself about His beloved Jerusalem: 9 Then washed I thee with water; yea, I throughly washed away thy blood from thee, and I anointed thee with oil.10 I clothed thee also with broidered work, and shod thee with badgers' skin, and I girded thee about with fine linen, and I covered thee with silk.11 I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck.12 And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head.13 Thus wast thou decked with gold and silver; and thy raiment was of fine linen, and silk, and broidered work; thou didst eat fine flour, and honey, and oil: and thou wast exceeding beautiful, and thou didst prosper into a kingdom.14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD. In
Ezek 16:15-59 below, you see that man (Jerusalem) falls and disappoints, as he always does with God. We won't post these 44 verses for space considerations, but in these verses we see that Jerusalem falls into idol worship and betrays her first love, The One True God Jehovah. The comparison of Jerusalem betraying God is likened to a beloved bride becoming the whore of other men. In fact, in verse 33 we see that she not only doesn't get paid to play the whore, she pays them to use her. God gives us this illustration so we can fully understand how He feels about our apostatizing and following other false gods and man made false religions. God not only was angry, but He was hurt, for He loves His children but they always only betray Him:
"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man." [Mark 7:21-23]. We are made in the image (likeness) of God, we have emotions because He has emotions. He even came in the flesh so as to fully feel and understand the flesh that we are bound to live in. God is totally fair.We as a world are betraying God in our current generation, just look at all the false and corrupted religions that abound. When someone tells you that they have found a new kind of spiritual kick or a new religion, remember how God feels about it before you go whoring after it. 15 But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.16 And of thy garments thou didst take, and deckedst thy high places with divers colours, and playedst the harlot thereupon: the like things shall not come, neither shall it be so.17 Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them,18 And tookest thy broidered garments, and coveredst them: and thou hast set mine oil and mine incense before them.19 My meat also which I gave thee, fine flour, and oil, and honey, wherewith I fed thee, thou hast even set it before them for a sweet savour: and thus it was, saith the Lord GOD.20 Moreover thou hast taken thy sons and thy daughters, whom thou hast borne unto me, and these hast thou sacrificed unto them to be devoured. Is this of thy whoredoms a small matter,21 That thou hast slain my children, and delivered them to cause them to pass through the fire for them?22 And in all thine abominations and thy whoredoms thou hast not remembered the days of thy youth, when thou wast naked and bare, and wast polluted in thy blood.23 And it came to pass after all thy wickedness, (woe, woe unto thee! saith the Lord GOD;)24 That thou hast also built unto thee an eminent place, and hast made thee an high place in every street.25 Thou hast built thy high place at every head of the way, and hast made thy beauty to be abhorred, and hast opened thy feet to every one that passed by, and multiplied thy whoredoms.26 Thou hast also committed fornication with the Egyptians thy neighbours, great of flesh; and hast increased thy whoredoms, to provoke me to anger
. . . .. . . . 53 When I shall bring again their captivity, the captivity of Sodom and her daughters, and the captivity of Samaria and her daughters, then will I bring again the captivity of thy captives in the midst of them:54 That thou mayest bear thine own shame, and mayest be confounded in all that thou hast done, in that thou art a comfort unto them.55 When thy sisters, Sodom and her daughters, shall return to their former estate, and Samaria and her daughters shall return to their former estate, then thou and thy daughters shall return to your former estate.56 For thy sister Sodom was not mentioned by thy mouth in the day of thy pride,57 Before thy wickedness was discovered, as at the time of thy reproach of the daughters of Syria, and all that are round about her, the daughters of the Philistines, which despise thee round about.58 Thou hast borne thy lewdness and thine abominations, saith the LORD.59 For thus saith the Lord GOD; I will even deal with thee as thou hast done, which hast despised the oath in breaking the covenant. In
Ezek 16:60-63 below, we see that God promises to forgive and remarry Jerusalem, once again renewing the covenant (marriage) deed, this time forever in the eternity (Heaven). This has not yet happened, which is what makes it prophecy.
60 Nevertheless I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth, and I will establish unto thee an everlasting covenant.61 Then thou shalt remember thy ways, and be ashamed, when thou shalt receive thy sisters, thine elder and thy younger: and I will give them unto thee for daughters, but not by thy covenant.62 And I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD:63 That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame, when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done, saith the Lord GOD. (KJV) In the below scripture we see that Jesus will return at the Second Advent to wed those who overcame and remained faithful to The Father, thus fulfilling the scripture above in
[Ezekiel 16:60]. Remember that through Christ, salvation is open to all, not just Israel.
Rev 19:6-96 And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God. (KJV) Can you remarry after you have been divorced, or are you commiting adutery every time you 'sleep' with your new husband or wife?It all goes back to Christ's sacrifice on the cross for the forgiveness of sin. If you have repented for your part in the broken marriage and divorce, and you believe that you have been forgiven of it in Christ's name, then where is the sin? Christ's blood is able to cover all your sins. The sin of the divorced marriage is blotted out upon repentance, therefore you are freed of the prior marriage vow and allowed to remarry as you see proper. For is it not written:
Deut 24:1-21 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.2 And
when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. (KJV)Please don't misinterpret that I am an advocate for flippant divorces, I most certainly am not, divorce is a terrible thing. Divorce is like a death in the family, for it is the death of the family. It seems in this generation we are too quick to divorce. Many times couples become friends again in time, wondering what acually happened, even remarrying each other again in some cases. But the innocence and exclusivity is shattered by then in most cases. It just isn't the same anymore, probably never will be. That is sad.Divorce affects people differently, some people just give up on life after a divorce. It's sad to think that someone you trusted and loved enough to spend the rest of your life could hurt and betray you so. The saddest thing of all is that many times we do it out of anger, spite, retaliation, or just a bluff or threat taken too far until we get boxed into a corner. We've all seen the broken people in this country, sitting in the bars all day, day after day; sleeping in the street; suicide; drugs; prostitution; despair; but I wonder how many became broken because of a broken family and their inability to deal with it.And I wonder what percentage of people who have hastily divorced, would not two years later, give anything to take it back and make it go away. But it never will go away, that's why we must be 100% sure before we make an irreversible decision that affects not only us and our once chosen for life mate, but also our children, family, and friends.The Feminist movement was built upon the single independent woman, now twenty-something years later, many realize that what they really wanted was what they were too independent to settle for, and now it is too late for them; sad. And please don't think that I am blaming women for divorces, in fact it is probably the man's fault more often that the women's, but the numbers are not that far apart any more and they are closing fast.Dee, I don't know if that helped, but I do know who can help you; they are your Heavenly Father and His only Begotten Son Jesus Christ. Whether it be in a change in the relationship for the better, or be it the touch of the Spirit letting you know that it is OK to go, this can only come from our Heavenly Father. It takes wisdom to make the right choices in our lives, because it is we that must account for them, we will be held accountable for all sins that we have not repented of; that wisdom can only be found in our Father and it proceeds out from Him:
Prov 1:1-71 The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel;2 To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding;3 To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;4 To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.5 A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:6 To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings.7 The
fear*1of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. (KJV)
Explanation from verse 7 above: *1 fear = Reverence (see below). Most every time you see the word translated into "fear of the Lord" in the Bible, it should have been translated to: "reverence of the Lord." For we are not to fear our Lord God, but we are to have reverence for Him.
Fear: Hebrew word #3374
yir'ah (yir-aw'); feminine of 3373; fear (also used as infinitive); morally,
reverence.God bless you and your marriage Dee, and thank you for having the courage to share your question with us, many others are in the same situation as you and may be blessed by your question & answer. Most importantly, always remember this one thing; our Heavenly Father is able, and prayer means more to Him than we can ever begin to understand!
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