Hi LC,
It's an interesting thing, learning about child sexual abuse, not to mention other childhood abuses, neglect, physical, all that. Horrifying, really, but when it's me, well, it takes on an new depth.
Your words above are dead on target.
I've learned that the corruption of the flesh is exactly that, our bodies and our brains have been ruined.
In childhood sexual abuse, the brain forms differently, generally becoming underdeveloped in numerous regions, these changes having a devastating impact on one's understanding of self, God, others, the world in general, everything.
These changes likewise have a devastating impact on perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Brain maladaptations often result in the victim reproducing the developemental conditions they grew up in, whether perpetuating lives of fear and violation, or even become an abuser themself. God spared me from that. But there was much He did not spare me from.
At the end of the day, I've learned that the brain changes resultant from childhood abuse act just like addictions.
When someone is drug addicted, it is because the drug they are ingesting has overstimulated certain parts of the brain, resulting in the increased desire of that overstimulation, but also resulting in dimishined natural production of whatever body/brain chemistry that drug is supplementing.
Drugs work on us because they mimic a natural process. That process becauses hijacked by the drug, which then builds more brain circuits that respond to the drug. Neurons grow more dendrites to accomodate the drug, or whatever the specific change is. Now, take away the drug, and the cravings are stronger, because of those extra circuits. Take more drug, build stronger addiction. The brain has been modified to accomodate that drug. The drug has become part of the fabric of the person's consciousness.
Kaiser Permanente defines drug addiction as "abnormal drug seeking behavior". Addicts call it "jonesing", I don't know why. But the idea is that if you don't have the drug, you have this overwhelm sense of need, of urgency, to get the drug.
Only when you abstain from the drug for sufficient time will those cravings subside, as the brain structure returns to normal, those extra dendrites and what have you reverting back.
Childhood abuse does the same thing to the brain, but not just with neurons and dendtrites and all that, but with the very parts of the brain itself.
One example is Vetral Medial Pre Frontal Cortex, which can become undersized, resulting in diminished capacity. The vm/PFC is responsible for assigning values to perceptions, in sorting out where to store memories, dampening overly loud noises, overly bright lights, strong emotions, ringing in the ears, pain sensations, much more.
Each part that is damages results in lessened ability to process perceptions to stimuli, to weigh competing thoughts, to control impulses.
Poor impulse control is a sign of an underdeveloped brain, in that the brain has it's own agenda hardwired into it, whether to take a drug, or to "prove" through my bad behavior that is really was my fault.
The brain records a child's world in letter of iron. As we grow up, that's how we are.
A crazy life of fear and pain and acting out can supply that overstimulation needed to keep the brain function and chemistry up to par for a "normal" life, though this is anything but normal. A life within which one can function, in the only kind of funtioning one has ever known.
But that kind of life is not good.
Take away the fear and pain and acting out, and all that goes with all of that, and this "brain support" ends. And what happens when the brain lacks sufficient serotonin? dopamine? norepinephrine? all that? Major depression is typically the result. It was the result with me, about 90% debilitating.
Yes, the corruption of the flesh can be described in cold clinical terms. But just the same, sin was committed against me, but then I committed sins against myself.
At the end of the day, nothing anyone in this world can do will restore what's been lost to me, but in Jesus, this was for my good, for my salvation, and is being redeemed.
I have to agree, this was Pure Evil.
The man that did that to me told me his story, it had been done to him, now he's doing it to me, I think to try to prove to himself that he wasn't evil, rather, anyone would become like that! Not!
Man, why am I saying all this???
To say this:
The body and the brain are a mess, not just me, I think all of us, just some more than others. Even the minor issues of childhood leave their imprint. No one grows up perfectly. We all have baggage. And I think if we were to be able to see well enough, we'd find baggage that goes all the way back to Adam.
We can do things for the body, for the brain, that can help. We can study and learn, as I've done. For me, information is a very powerful tool. I could be taking antidepressants, but I don't want to, so I'm not. I don't mind if someone does, but I know that whatever I do at the material level is either simply good healthy habits, or is paliative care, as the real answer is to walk in the Spirit.
Walking in the Spirit does not depend on the condition of the flesh, the brain, the mind of the flesh. Walking in the Spirit is a completely separate life. In the Spirit, all is good. Extremely good!
I may experience the physical and mental symtoms, and I may not, but all I can say is, he who serves, in the strength God gives.
@Lady Crosstalk ,
@JohnPaul
Fair warning . . . these are the kinds of posts I tend to delete after a bit. I'll have to see how I feel about all this self revelation.
Much love!