Mom and I share a one bedroom apartment. (Rents are astronomical here.)
I am her sole caregiver. We have no family in Los Angeles. (I have some much younger cousins scattered around other States, but I don't know them. I know a married senior citizen cousin in Ohio.)
For entertainment I watch TV and use my tablet. About once a week or so, I try to walk with a cane over to the grocery store.
A nice teen guy in my building drives me to the store about every two weeks. He won't accept any money for doing that. He brings my heavy bags up to my apartment. Sometimes a lady neighbor gets me a few items now and then.
Right now I put on a Western. Mom can at least see the scenery and horses, but can't hear the plot.
I put the portable commode by the sofa for her in the daytime and move it to the bedroom by her bed at night. She spends all day on the sofa, mainly reclining.
I don’t know how you do it alone. Seriously. You must be very strong and definitely compassionate and long-suffering and have tremendous patience. You may think shyly “no, i do what I have to do. I don’t see that I have a choice.” No. You don’t have to. (Imo). Like I said, I don’t have to carry the full care of my mom alone and also I do have days I’m off and can do other things besides being a caregiver. And even this gets overwhelming where I sometimes feel like I’m drowning. I can’t imagine the portable pot and what you go through. By my experiencing changing it from just nightly uses. I’m just saying, that is rough.
In the beginning I did do it alone. Both my sisters worked and were not involved. My husband kept saying “ask them to help you.” I wouldn’t listen. And then I got Covid. I couldn’t go around mom so my sisters were forced to do it for the ten days. After that I never had to do it alone. After experiencing it for ten days they said from then on we would all take turns. And it has been that way ever since. Point is I kind of get what you go through daily. Although you have it all on you. It is obvious you love your mom…but don’t beat yourself up too hard if there are days you wish you could just walk away.
It is kind how you think about her having at least the scenery of westerns to watch even if she can’t hear or get the plot. My mom likes cartoons. Like the pink panther, Charlie Brown and porky pig. Things like that. Even simple true to life animal movies. Animal adventures. We have discussed getting her a smart television (hers is an old tube style) but she won’t watch movies. but she does like cartoons which are bright and have a comedic nature. We do get her animal rescue magazines. (This has helped). I found one that is full of animal stories of how they overcome homelessness and found loving homes. She likes those. Some of the animals will be more than dogs and cats, but also pigs, horses and more(some strange). I don’t know if any of those suggestions help you. People like different things. Cartoons for mom take her back to her childhood, and they have short plots. She loves the funny paper section.
The teenage guy sounds very observant and considerate to notice you could use some help. And your neighbor. I’m sorry you have to carry so much alone. To me the worse part…I don’t know if you experience this …but as my mother has become elderly and all this is happening to her. I can’t talk to her about it. I can’t talk to her or confide in her of what I’m experiencing with her care. The one person I used to be able to tell things, I can’t anymore because it won’t register. Does that make sense. It is weird too that we do things and I’m present in the moment but she is not, forgetting it all later. That is strange to me. And hard to accept. It is like having a conversation with someone to work through things together and then later they say “we never talked about that. I don’t remember that.”
