Disability and severe anxiety during church events has made it hard for me to make connections

[TinyChristian99]

So recently I [21f] started going to Church (I grew up in the church but once I moved away from home and started living alone, I drifted). I have been going to a college-age group (of about 40 people) every Monday for about two months, and while everyone is nice, I really struggle when I’m there.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, along with a bit of a stutter and high functioning autism (people always say “I never realized you were autistic I just thought you were kinda quirky or weird” but I struggle a lot with social skills and hypersensitivity and other autism traits)

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it as briefly as I can and then generally clam up after. The thought of forcing myself to speak to people literally makes me feel dizzy and like there is immense pressure in my head. Last time I was there, we were all just watching a movie in one of the conference rooms and even though no one was talking, my hands were still shaking and I felt very anxious. I usually spend most of my time standing or sitting with whatever group of people I find myself in and just not talking even tho I really want to connect with people.

I don’t have any friends, and I really really want friends, Christian friends, and people who I know and can fellowship with at my church. That’s why I still show up despite the intense anxiety it gives me.

But I feel like I’ll never be able to get to the point where I can find community because of my conditions.

 

[amadeus]

@TinyChristian99
I am praying that God help you find and interact easily with sincere loving Christian people!

 

[Shattered]

So recently I [21f] started going to Church (I grew up in the church but once I moved away from home and started living alone, I drifted). I have been going to a college-age group (of about 40 people) every Monday for about two months, and while everyone is nice, I really struggle when I’m there.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, along with a bit of a stutter and high functioning autism (people always say “I never realized you were autistic I just thought you were kinda quirky or weird” but I struggle a lot with social skills and hypersensitivity and other autism traits)

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it as briefly as I can and then generally clam up after. The thought of forcing myself to speak to people literally makes me feel dizzy and like there is immense pressure in my head. Last time I was there, we were all just watching a movie in one of the conference rooms and even though no one was talking, my hands were still shaking and I felt very anxious. I usually spend most of my time standing or sitting with whatever group of people I find myself in and just not talking even tho I really want to connect with people.

I don’t have any friends, and I really really want friends, Christian friends, and people who I know and can fellowship with at my church. That’s why I still show up despite the intense anxiety it gives me.

But I feel like I’ll never be able to get to the point where I can find community because of my conditions.

I'm on the high-functioning autistic spectrum myself, @TinyChristian99 . Silence (and remaining unseen/unnoticed) was my refuge whenever I found myself in the midst of people and escape was neither possible nor desirable. This is how the Lord fashioned us so let me encourage you. It took much trial, tribulation, and time to arrive at the knowledge of the truth: Jesus Christ is pleased with us just as we are. You're the work of His hand and there's nothing wrong with you, sister.

Each of us faces challenges in this world, normative and autistic alike. Our brains are decidedly different and so the challenges we face aren't like what others wrestle with but when the Lord revealed Himself to me, His Spirit illuminated my heart and mind with regard to these differences. For example, the fear response in the autistic individual works differently than it does in normative people. What terrifies us isn't daunting to others but through suffering and trial, I stood face to face before the truth:

What terrifies others isn't daunting to me! When people panic or freeze in terror I remain unfazed, hence I'm a superlative first responder in crisis situations. Bullets, fires, explosions, blood, and mortal fear can't touch nor rattle the intense focus. The adrenaline which fuels our daily battle against anxiety has the effect of predisposing us toward swift and decisive action in an emergency. I marveled at how the Lord fashioned me in such a way, revealing the truth of what some view as our affliction. No, it's not an affliction.

It's a strength, a gift from the Lord who fashioned us by His hand. Time and again I've found myself thrust into dire circumstances during the darkest of times and my propensity to focus upon the environment --- not myself --- had the effect of making me seem fearless in the eyes of others. Fearless? Not really. The truth is more child-like than fearlessness. Simply put, my fixation upon detail and fascination with the calamity at hand led me to forget about fear.

It was as if the flow of time changed and I found myself surrounded with peace. My attention was riveted upon the welfare of others, not my own, and I could both see and hear everything much more clearly than I could before.

is it the same for you? I can't say but I do know this for a truth: you possess strengths and talents given by the Lord and over time these will be revealed to the glory of Christ who loves you. You're young compared to me; I have over 30 years of experience beyond your own to inform me in this matter. Based upon what you have written here you're doing everything right. You're enduring in spite of the terror, you're hanging in there even though you'd rather run and hide, and this was a fair assessment of myself when I was your age.

Keep doing that, and the Spirit of God will show you the way. It does get better with time.

 

[quietthinker]

So recently I [21f] started going to Church (I grew up in the church but once I moved away from home and started living alone, I drifted). I have been going to a college-age group (of about 40 people) every Monday for about two months, and while everyone is nice, I really struggle when I’m there.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, along with a bit of a stutter and high functioning autism (people always say “I never realized you were autistic I just thought you were kinda quirky or weird” but I struggle a lot with social skills and hypersensitivity and other autism traits)

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it as briefly as I can and then generally clam up after. The thought of forcing myself to speak to people literally makes me feel dizzy and like there is immense pressure in my head. Last time I was there, we were all just watching a movie in one of the conference rooms and even though no one was talking, my hands were still shaking and I felt very anxious. I usually spend most of my time standing or sitting with whatever group of people I find myself in and just not talking even tho I really want to connect with people.

I don’t have any friends, and I really really want friends, Christian friends, and people who I know and can fellowship with at my church. That’s why I still show up despite the intense anxiety it gives me.

But I feel like I’ll never be able to get to the point where I can find community because of my conditions.

Ohh, TinyChristian99...thank you for the courage to speak straightforwardly. I hear you loud and clear and would like to let you know what I have also discovered, that you are loved more than you can imagine ...and as this reality has unfolded in my understanding bit by bit so has the fear dissipated.

If you are curious to understand this here are some podcasts which have helped me.
57 The Gift of God by ReDiscovering God • A podcast on Anchor

 

[Hidden In Him]

So recently I [21f] started going to Church (I grew up in the church but once I moved away from home and started living alone, I drifted). I have been going to a college-age group (of about 40 people) every Monday for about two months, and while everyone is nice, I really struggle when I’m there.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, along with a bit of a stutter and high functioning autism (people always say “I never realized you were autistic I just thought you were kinda quirky or weird” but I struggle a lot with social skills and hypersensitivity and other autism traits)

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it as briefly as I can and then generally clam up after. The thought of forcing myself to speak to people literally makes me feel dizzy and like there is immense pressure in my head. Last time I was there, we were all just watching a movie in one of the conference rooms and even though no one was talking, my hands were still shaking and I felt very anxious. I usually spend most of my time standing or sitting with whatever group of people I find myself in and just not talking even tho I really want to connect with people.

I don’t have any friends, and I really really want friends, Christian friends, and people who I know and can fellowship with at my church. That’s why I still show up despite the intense anxiety it gives me.

But I feel like I’ll never be able to get to the point where I can find community because of my conditions.

I've known several autistics with your conditions who have managed to successfully become long-standing members on the various Christian forums, so you shouldn't think you can't have a Christian community to belong to. I'd suggest thinking about maybe trying to make this your community, along with seeking to have a church that welcomes you. If you persist, you will very likely meet several people eventually who are similar to yourself, and can encourage you in your walk with Christ.

Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him

 

[CadyandZoe]

So recently I [21f] started going to Church (I grew up in the church but once I moved away from home and started living alone, I drifted). I have been going to a college-age group (of about 40 people) every Monday for about two months, and while everyone is nice, I really struggle when I’m there.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, along with a bit of a stutter and high functioning autism (people always say “I never realized you were autistic I just thought you were kinda quirky or weird” but I struggle a lot with social skills and hypersensitivity and other autism traits)

If someone asks me a question, I’ll answer it as briefly as I can and then generally clam up after. The thought of forcing myself to speak to people literally makes me feel dizzy and like there is immense pressure in my head. Last time I was there, we were all just watching a movie in one of the conference rooms and even though no one was talking, my hands were still shaking and I felt very anxious. I usually spend most of my time standing or sitting with whatever group of people I find myself in and just not talking even tho I really want to connect with people.

I don’t have any friends, and I really really want friends, Christian friends, and people who I know and can fellowship with at my church. That’s why I still show up despite the intense anxiety it gives me.

But I feel like I’ll never be able to get to the point where I can find community because of my conditions.

Can I share a story? In my church there were two autistic members. I love them both and prayed for them often. There was one boy who sat in the back of the church, very quiet, saying nothing. He didn't interact with anyone but he came to church every Sunday nevertheless. After leading the music, I stood behind him every Sunday and prayed, "Father, I know there is person inside that boy. Please let him out." I prayed this prayer for years. Then, one day, the boy raised his hand to ask a question. (Our church has a question and answer period.) His question was thoughtful, incisive, and articulated well, except for a few pauses in his voice pattern. I almost cried. My prayer was answered. This boy grew up and graduated from college.

Keep going. Keep believing. Never give up.

 

[LILAC]

As a mom with an autistic son who has limited speech and vocabulary, I sympathize with you. I know exactly how it is to feel so snubbed in our societies, even within the church. All I can say is keep showing up. If you are in the right community, God will show you a way.