@Grailhunter I said in a previous post that I'd write about how the Lord confirmed to me the Christian counselor that I could trust. I went online on the site for Theophostic Prayer Ministry. It is a type of counseling with principles based on John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” I went on the site and used their search feature to find a prayer minister near me. The closest ones were a couple hours away. I began to communicate with one lady via email, and then by phone. I felt very comfortable and safe talking to her. So we set up a meeting at her church. She was over 2 hours from me.
___
Before we were to meet, I had this dream...which I later gave the title... "TRIAGE! The Mission of the Church"
I dreamed that I arrived at a church, and was greeted at the doors by 2 blond haired women wearing nursing uniforms and stethoscopes around their necks. They led me inside the church. We turned right down a hallway and as we walked down the hall, the church began to resemble a hospital. They took me to a room, and I was to put on a hospital gown (vulnerability). They came back in the room and laid me on a hospital bed. (Neither had spoken one word thus far.) The one with the longer blond hair laid on the bed shoulder to shoulder next to me. The other "nurse" leaned over me and placed her stethoscope on my heart...looked over at the other "nurse" (next to me) and said, "She was born with this. This has been from birth."
[End of Dream]
___
Well, the next time I talked to this prayer counselor, I asked if she had blond hair ....yes, she did. And so did her prayer partner, the woman who sat in on ministry sessions and prayed. The one I spoke to (the main counselor) had longer blond hair. The prayer partner had short blond hair.
When I went to meet with them, they met one of my child alters. She (my counselor) felt a bit unsure if she should be the one to minister to me, as she had never ministered to someone with alter personalities. So the next day, she requested we meet outdoors under a pavilion in the fresh air to discuss her concerns.
Now...let's back up a little. I had stayed in a hotel in her town the first night, and while reading my Bible, I came across this verse...
“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.” — Psalm 32:8 (KJV)
I felt the Lord spoke to me about this counselor, so I wrote her name next to the verse, and the date.
So, under that pavilion, these two women met with me, and my counselor shared with me her concerns, stating she didn't want to bring harm to me, and wasn't sure she was the right person since she had no experiences in cases like mine. I looked at her and said, "The Lord will teach you." (LOL! This is what got her!) She smiled and looked at her friend/prayer partner, then back at me and said that if I felt I could trust her, she was willing to try. I said I was. And then she said... "We just want to listen to your heart." Wow! How perfectly fitting of her to say that after the dream I was given.
And here's the kicker....the night before, she was feeling doubts about ministering to me, and she went to bed praying about it. The Lord woke her up with this verse.... you probably guessed it ...Psalm 32:8! LOL! She wrote my name and the date in her Bible next to that verse. Little did she know, I had done the same thing (with her name).
So ...she walked alongside me in intense prayer counseling for about 3 years and I got a very good foundation in my healing and freedom.
Tagging @Heart2Soul @Hidden In Him @APAK @Prayer Warrior
Good tags! warning I am a walking speech.
What you are describing is very serious...and unique enough that it would be difficult to find someone that is trained or had experience with it.
You are talking about alter personalities and I am assuming that is something like multiple personalities, which many times is associated with past lives....but you are linking it to your experiences with MK-Ultra, which throws up a whole different array of possibilities. MK-Ultra is a government project that I cannot say enough bad things about. They did deal with civilians and there has been law suits. It is good that you have received some Christian counseling and I believe...I say believe, because I am not qualified to give you a definitive answer, I believe the key to the most success you can have is Christian group affiliation, church affiliation.
I say the most success you can have is because you seem to convey that you have been damaged....mentally and spiritually. That is the impression that I am getting...if wrong, sorry in advance. If you are damaged, if you have occurrences that seem to be multiple personalities... and you have been wronged in who knows how many ways that includes satanic involvement then, only God is qualified to help you. My experience with what you are describing is limited. I have dealt with children and women that have been raped...by family or others. What happens is their ability to trust is limited and difficult. Even trusting churches or Christians or neighbors or any government becomes difficult or impossible. A lot of them live in a world of conspiracy theories, where boogiemen hide everywhere.
For this reason you cannot expect anyone to rectify the past. What you are describing is so unique that no church you go to will be equipped to handle what has happened to you. So that is not the goal and perfection in yourself is not going to happen. I had recommended to you that you surround yourself with Christians and to become active in church activities... So then an active church is important. You might think maybe ....what good does do to help the church with food drives or preaching the Gospel or youth activities or sports or church dinners, picnics, or holiday plays...how does this help? In the company of wolves, it is good to have shepherds...what it does, is put you in the company of Christians, in the company of shepherd that have the Word of God in their heart. And it changes your focus from yourself to others. Exhaust yourself in doing the work of the Lord. Learn to love and be loved by others...lots of hugs....learn to trust....trust in God...and those He loves.
Now the theological side. I do not know how much you have done in the past, that you thought were sins. Forgiveness from Christ is one thing and forgiving yourself can be another. Now my religious views are such that when you are baptized, you die in Christ...That person died and the person that comes out of the water is a new person....born again with a new life and the Deity has no memory of the person or their sins that went down in the water. This is more than forgiveness and it done for a reason. For people that have done bad things in the past, Satan can come and whisper in their ear...."I know what you have done. You do not deserve to be a Christian. You cannot change!" Well you can tell Satan to get behind you, because you are literally not that person. God does not know that that person ever existed. You can go forward with a clean slate. Know that you are completely clean after baptism and when you stumble from there, Christ is there to pick you up, forgiveness is yours and it is between you and Him.
You have to get it in your head that the past is the past and the future is yours to make. Keep your focus on the future. Surround yourself with Christians...get active in a church...knowing neither Christians or churches are perfect. It is about learning to trust all over again, it is about a relationship with Christ, it is about leaning on the non-perfect to move forward. You are not perfect and they are not perfect but together you can move forward with Christ at your side....on your side!
So that is the best I can give you....I am not perfect or know everything....count on the one that is and does....Christ. Trust the best you can and fellowship. My personal recommendation is Holy Ghost churches...but that is your choice or maybe what you have available. You have tagged some good people...very good people...I am sure they will offer advise...God Bless you on your journey.