So I made a post some time ago looking for wisdom about whether my sin had killed me spiritually.
If you care to read the post, here it is:
Has my sin killed me spiritually? Loss of salvation
I have come to determine with a great level of certainty that my heart has hardened past the point of repentance due to continued sin. I feel no brokenness or conviction over my sin nor do I have the desires of the Lord anymore. I find no ability to turn away from sin from a heart level like I once did. All that I am left with is severe fear of my future condemnation. As I read Hebrews, I see that my life now matches up perfectly with
Hebrews 6:4, as well as
Hebrews 10:26. I have spent time consulting with my pastor and other believing friends. They seem to believe that I am still a believer, but I sincerely disagree. I think they are coming around though.
As I have come to the conclusion that I am beyond repentance, my question is what is the best thing for me to do next. I cannot spend my life walking in apostasy creating greater condemnation for myself upon my death. Life is too much to live apart from Christ. There is no meaning to life other than Christ and there is no joy apart from him. I cannot continue with life apart from Christ. However, I see no other way to handle the situation other than suicide. Does anyone have any better suggestions or wisdom to give?
I know some of you may land in a more reformed camp like I once did, but there is no denial that someone can become like those mentioned in Hebrews. I have become one. What then do I do now?
To sin wilfully, or to willfully sin, IS NOT about the sins that are common to men, of which are ALL forgiven.
ONLY the sin of the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.
Since you have read Heb. 10, then when you read verse 28, in the way that it is written in the KJV, it will help you to understand that YOU HAVE NOT reached the point of no return, of which is to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, or as it is written "hath done, despite unto the spirit of Grace".
Now, when you read the context, please notice the example of Moses, that Paul provides.
Heb. 10[
26] For if we
sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
[
27] But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
[
28]
He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:
[
29] Of
how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and
hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified,
an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
.
In listening to the heart of your will, I
do not hear you as one who is "despising" the Blood of Christ, as counting it to be an unholy thing! You still believe in His forgiveness, because if you didn't, you would be saying words that prove that you despise the blood of His covenant!
.
Therefore, I perceive that you have not committed the unforgivable sin.