Death Seekers are those who actively try to commit suicide. They might use a gun, poison, etc.
Death Darers are those who don't try to kill themselves, they just put themselves in dangerous situations they normally wouldn't.
I want to know if I can do the latter.
I'm very unhappy with life. I'm disabled and poor; I've tried multiple times to make myself a useful member of society so I can stop leeching, but every time I get knocked down.
I'm always one step away from having my life ruined and not being able to recover.
Constantly I'm in pain - because my disabilities and now my circumstances.
I'm in school, but I was just placed in one of those circumstances that I can't get out of. My new problem has me feeling sick / being in pain most of the day, and most days. (This isn't disability related, except that I don't have/can't earn the money to get away from it.)
I believe in God. In the past, I was certain I cherished him - but anymore I feel so beaten that it seems like I can't feel it, although I want to.
I know that if I were with christ now, I'd be happy. I'd feel loved, and my pain would be gone.
Most of all, I just want to be free.
I want my pain to end...
Can I intentionally put myself in bad situations? Will I go to hell?
My husband’s profession is Heating and Air Conditioning. A couple of years back he went to a home where a mother and father were caring for their thirty-year-old son with Cerebral Palsy. The man was undeveloped, small as a child, wearing a diaper. The mother had sacrificed everything to care for her son that could not get out of bed. It had been that way for thirty years. Shortly after my husband went out on the call, we heard of the mother's passing and wondered who would care for the man? A couple of days ago the Father dropped by our home to ask about his air conditioning. My husband was shocked when he saw the man’s son lying in the back seat of the car. Still alive and suffering. Yet another thirty-year-old suffering from emotional pain but otherwise healthy slips right out of this world without notice. Basically painless and quick. I cannot tell you why God allows those in extreme pain to remain with us. I cannot pretend to understand how you feel or what you go through daily. My biggest hurdle in my relationship with God has been…
why? Why such suffering? There are a few, only a few, that when you look at them…you truly see Christ. For me, as I was growing up, that was one woman. I admired her walk with Christ even when I didn’t know Him myself. God had transformed her. Yet, tragedy struck the only model of Christ I had witnessed in the midst of selfishness and her grandson shot himself in the head. I know she had prayed for him, although she never announced it. I know, by the way she loved her grandson and how he was always with her, that he had often been in her prayers. Shortly after his death, she was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease and died a slow and miserable death. She
never lost faith. Instead, her relationship with God grew. It destroyed my faith. I couldn’t get past why God did not answer a daughters prayers. It made me question God's existence. I know people will freak and be appalled at the answer I believe God finally gave me not long ago regarding Peggy. He told me that I wasn’t there in their intimate moments. He told me that Peggy and He were intimate in ways I had yet to understand. He told me they had both experienced the pain of watching a child suffer and what He had given Peggy was an honor I could only criticize from my limited view.
I have prayed for my husband and I to be more intimate. It is similar to asking for patience. You know God is going to allow things in your life that bring about patience. And God will allow things to bring about intimacy, true intimacy; suffering that two share in that strengthens and solidifies a bond, forming roots that go deep. I could tell you about Scarlett and her rare form of cancer; her case one of two in the United States and how I have witnessed and felt the presence of Christ more than ever when I am with her. How can a woman dying of cancer, speak such tender loving words of Christ? Scarlett has taught and shown those around her many things they could have never seen otherwise. Her love for Christ has made an impact. Her husband? There are no words. He is the first example of a true head and leadership I have ever seen; a true display of sacrifice, commitment, and love.
Don’t say you have nothing to give this world. Obviously, He has kept you here for a reason. Again, I cannot disrespect you by claiming I understand your constant daily suffering, but maybe, instead of thinking of ways you could challenge death and remain of Christ…maybe you should ask God how you can be fortified and live to demonstrate Christ in a way this world needs more of. Maybe God is calling you to let go of all those disappointments this world serves, into deeper intimacy with Him and those around you. You have SO MUCH to give! Hope. You can ask God to bless you with the opportunity to demonstrate Christ's power to overcome the brutal circumstances of life. You can praise God with every breath you have left and shame the devil.
Or you can give up.
