How to respond to 13-year-old daughter who declares being gay

[TinMan]

That is not what we are talking about. Regardless, the truth might hurt, but it is not abuse.

abuse is abuse no matter how it is justified.

 

[TinMan]

I did not respond with simply it is their choice.
I take it that you are the kind that comes up with your own conversation and replies and then try to put words in people's mouth.
On the topic of choice of a 13 year old girl. My advise....copy and pasted here so you cannot twist it...
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1. 13 is a little young for her to know that for sure. So do not over react.
2. There needs to be a discussion about any kind of sexual activity at that age.
3. Does your family go to church? If not find a good church. Pray about it but do not make her think she is awful. Or that you are rejecting her.
4. If she continues to think she is gay, she probably needs to talk to a councilor...
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On the topic of..... 13 is a little young for her to know that for sure. It is a well known fact that some young adults will experiment a little with their sexuality and that it does not usually set them one way or another....so my advice to not over react....is valid.

you mean its a choice

On the topic of choice for a young person....that is why I recommended a councilor.....making an informed decision.

Again you are saying choice

Because as you pointed out, all of the horrific ramifications of being LGBT is something that needs to be taken into consideration.
They are pretty much out casts from society and discriminated against for jobs and housing.

Yes there are many hateful people who discriminate against LGBT people. There are many hateful people who discriminate against black people. The fact discrimination exists doesn't make black people are outcasts. The people being discriminated against are not the one's in the wrong it is the people doing and supporting that discrimination that are the problem

Violence is not unheard of for sure.
They shame their families, particularly those that are Christian and their families may shun them. All this is wrong but it does happen.

its also wrong for you to blame the victim

How many homosexuals that you know end up doing drugs and catching various diseases.

How many heterosexuals do you know that end up doing drugs and catching various diseases?

Then from the biblical perspective they are damn and will likely go to Hell.

Are you saying that justifies hate and discrimination and violence?

So again my advise to seek counseling is valid. So that the young person can make a informed decision.

again you are claiming it is a choice.

They can talk over all the ramifications and dangers and if they decide to live the LGBT lifestyle, then they are free to do so.

The dangers faced come from others who choose to hate and discrimination and engage in violence, (or try to justify those who do) not from being LGBT

 

[TinMan]

I have not seen anyone here try to justify hurting kids.

They shame their families,

 

[Grailhunter]

you mean its a choice

Not always....sometimes with young people no actual decision is made....they experiment with their sexuality and prefer one over the other.

If people choose to be homosexual is something people debate.
But either way being attracted to the same sex does not mean you are forced to have sex with the same sex. That is a choice. If it is not, and they are out of control then they need to be committed to and institution.

 

[Grailhunter]

Yes there are many hateful people who discriminate against LGBT people. There are many hateful people who discriminate against black people. The fact discrimination exists doesn't make black people are outcasts. The people being discriminated against are not the one's in the wrong it is the people doing and supporting that discrimination that are the problem

Number one, I am not talking about people of color.
Number two, the horrors that you described are not an option. Right or wrong they are reality and what homosexuals have to endure awaiting judgment.

 

[Grailhunter]

its also wrong for you to blame the victim

And it is wrong to blame reality and the Bible.

 

[Grailhunter]

Are you saying that justifies hate and discrimination and violence?

No! That is between them and Christ.

 

[Grailhunter]

The dangers faced come from others who choose to hate and discrimination and engage in violence, (or try to justify those who do) not from being LGBT

So are you saying they would face dangers and hate and discrimination if they were not LGBT.

 

[RLT63]

Demonstrating love for her is easy and not an issue. I'm just wondering if it's damaging to discuss it beyond that.

Daughter: I'm gay.
Parent: That's okay. I love you no matter what.
End of story because you don't want to damage the kid.

Or should there be more discussion?

Daughter: I'm gay.
Parent: I love you no matter what, kiddo. Can you tell me what makes you say that?
Dialogue follows...

Talk about it. At that age it could be a stage she’s going through or the popular thing to be.

 

[RLT63]

You condemn homosexuals as being unnatural and under the influence of evil because they defy God and don't marry someone of the opposite gender and they don't have children....which is exactly what celibates do. Are celibates also unnatural and under the influence of evil and defying God?

If you dared to call my wedding dancing companion the devil i would defend her honor and punch you in the face.

You are equating celibacy with homosexuality. They are not the same. Ask Paul

 

[TinMan]

Not always....sometimes with young people no actual decision is made....they experiment with their sexuality and prefer one over the other.

If people choose to be homosexual is something people debate.
But either way being attracted to the same sex does not mean you are forced to have sex with the same sex. That is a choice. If it is not, and they are out of control then they need to be committed to and institution.

Wow, so you want to criminalize being a member of a minority and imprison them?

Well there is historical precedent, they used to do that to gays and lesbians in the good old days. It was claimed it was for their own good of course and the those in charge of the camps...i mean institutions worked tirelessly to cure those misguided homosexuals. The most effective cure involved using a hammer to pound an iron spike into the skull of "out of control" homosexuals. it was called an ice pick lobotomy and no one knows just how many people were subjected to it. Sure most people died from the procedure, but I. suppose if they died you could pretend they were cured. Of course those gays got what they deserved, I mean they could have chosen to lie and hide.

 

[TinMan]

Number one, I am not talking about people of color.
Number two, the horrors that you described are not an option. Right or wrong they are reality and what homosexuals have to endure awaiting judgment.

hate and violence are always options and abusing a child is ALWAYS wrong.

 

[TinMan]

No! That is between them and Christ.

Jesus isn't abusing children.

 

[Grailhunter]

Wow, so you want to criminalize being a member of a minority and imprison them?

Never said that.

Wow, so you want to criminalize being a member of a minority and imprison them?

Well there is historical precedent, they used to do that to gays and lesbians in the good old days. It was claimed it was for their own good of course and the those in charge of the camps...i mean institutions worked tirelessly to cure those misguided homosexuals. The most effective cure involved using a hammer to pound an iron spike into the skull of "out of control" homosexuals. it was called an ice pick lobotomy and no one knows just how many people were subjected to it. Sure most people died from the procedure, but I. suppose if they died you could pretend they were cured. Of course those gays got what they deserved, I mean they could have chosen to lie and hide.

It still a matter of action as opposed to desire. Nothing is forcing anybody to have sex with the same sex.
And I never suggested any thing like what you described.
It gets down to be responsible for your own actions. If you are out of control that is a problem. What if it is about children, you going to defend that?

 

[Grailhunter]

Jesus isn't abusing children.

Did not say He was.

 

[TinMan]

You are equating celibacy with homosexuality. They are not the same. Ask Paul

One defies God and doesn't marry a person of the opposite gender and does not have children. and the other defies God and doesn't marry a person of the opposite gender and does not have children.
The same except one is attracked and condemned for doing this and the other is not.

 

[TinMan]

Never said that.

you said: " they need to be committed to and institution" that is imprisonment

It still a matter of action as opposed to desire. Nothing is forcing anybody to have sex with the same sex.

Nothing forces parents to hurt their children either.

And I never suggested any thing like what you described.

That is the history of how institutionalized homosexuals.

What do you think would happen to the millions of people your want locked up?

It gets down to be responsible for your own actions. If you are out of control that is a problem. What if it is about children, you going to defend that?

I'm not the one justifying child abuse.

 

[RLT63]

One defies God and doesn't marry a person of the opposite gender and does not have children. and the other defies God and doesn't marry a person of the opposite gender and does not have children.
The same except one is attracked and condemned for doing this and the other is not.

Staying single does not defy God.1Co 7:1 - Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 1Co 7:8 - I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

 

[Grailhunter]

you said: " they need to be committed to and institution" that is imprisonment

Who is they? Not just homo's...homo's that are out of control. Imprisonment is in a prison....not a mental health facility.

Nothing forces parents to hurt their children either.

You are right, but that has nothing to do with someone deciding to be sexually immoral.

That is the history of how institutionalized homosexuals.

What do you think would happen to the millions of people your want locked up?

No body is talking about institutionalizing homosexuals....
I was referring to someone so mentally deranged that they were out of control.
That sort of person is a danger to himself and everyone else.

I'm not the one justifying child abuse.

I am not justifying child abuse. I suggested counseling.
Again all you do is twist what people say....you have nothing to offer here but irritation.
So good-bye

 

[Logo]

Thanks for all the good posts. Once I filtered out all the misinterpreted and garbled posts from TinMan, I was able to provide some good advice to the parents of this girl. She has since denounced her declaration and has a crush on a certain boy, so it turned out to be much ado about nothing. The parents’ loving response and prayers probably had a lot to do with the positive outcome.