I have been a Christian for longer than I'd like to admit (because my life doesn't really show it), and I've studied questions of serving God for a good while, and you'd think I'd have the answers I need by now, but it could be my pride and arrogance that makes God want to hide the truth from me.
I just have trouble understanding what I'm supposed to be thinking when I'm doing good works--and, apparently, it really matters.
One could argue both Paul and Peter did similar actions--they behaved one way in front of Jews, and another way in front of Gentiles--yet only Peter was condemned as "not walking according to the truth", and Paul pronounces false teachers (who basically taught what Peter was teaching/exemplifying) "accursed".
What was the difference? Paul did it "so that I may win souls" (1 Co 9), and Peter did it "because he feared the Jews". What ever was in their minds while they worked was what counted.
So, what is "the truth" I am supposed to be motivated by when I do works?
By my reading of Scripture, it seems like I'm working to save myself, but, in my personal walk with the Lord, my encounters, it seems like that line of thinking, that motivation, is not permissible.
There is a middle road, though: Jesus calls God's will "food".
Though it is technically true, no one sits down to eat, thinking, "If I don't eat, I will die."
Again, it is technically true, but no one is motivated to eat by that thought.
(Not unless you're living under exceptional circumstances.)
Romans 8:12 says we're "indebted" to God.
Before, we were indebted because of our sins; now, Christ forgave us, and we have a new form of debt.
Perhaps it is gratitude?
I just fail to see how I am supposed to be "grateful" for a job "half" done.
From my reading of passages like Mt 25, where the "lazy" (ie, not willing to work, or not working at all) servant is condemned to hell fire, and Ro 2:6-16, it seems salvation depends on my working together with grace, yet the Scripture, which cannot be broken, says God alone is the Savior (Is 43:11), so, if you try to save yourself with your works, apparently, you're committing idolatry, you think you're God.
I'm just really confused, and, honestly, pretty worn out, by all of these things.
I can't find an answer.
I just have trouble understanding what I'm supposed to be thinking when I'm doing good works--and, apparently, it really matters.
One could argue both Paul and Peter did similar actions--they behaved one way in front of Jews, and another way in front of Gentiles--yet only Peter was condemned as "not walking according to the truth", and Paul pronounces false teachers (who basically taught what Peter was teaching/exemplifying) "accursed".
What was the difference? Paul did it "so that I may win souls" (1 Co 9), and Peter did it "because he feared the Jews". What ever was in their minds while they worked was what counted.
So, what is "the truth" I am supposed to be motivated by when I do works?
By my reading of Scripture, it seems like I'm working to save myself, but, in my personal walk with the Lord, my encounters, it seems like that line of thinking, that motivation, is not permissible.
There is a middle road, though: Jesus calls God's will "food".
Though it is technically true, no one sits down to eat, thinking, "If I don't eat, I will die."
Again, it is technically true, but no one is motivated to eat by that thought.
(Not unless you're living under exceptional circumstances.)
Romans 8:12 says we're "indebted" to God.
Before, we were indebted because of our sins; now, Christ forgave us, and we have a new form of debt.
Perhaps it is gratitude?
I just fail to see how I am supposed to be "grateful" for a job "half" done.
From my reading of passages like Mt 25, where the "lazy" (ie, not willing to work, or not working at all) servant is condemned to hell fire, and Ro 2:6-16, it seems salvation depends on my working together with grace, yet the Scripture, which cannot be broken, says God alone is the Savior (Is 43:11), so, if you try to save yourself with your works, apparently, you're committing idolatry, you think you're God.
I'm just really confused, and, honestly, pretty worn out, by all of these things.
I can't find an answer.